It’s the start of a new year, so that means it’s time to make a bunch of resolutions that you’ll be really passionate about for two weeks and completely forget about well before the Super Bowl. By the way, you realize you don’t have to wait on a fresh calendar to stop living like Shrek, right?
If you’re a single guy, one resolution you really should keep is to stop dating people that you know are totally wrong for you. We all do it, but that doesn’t make it a good thing. Let’s join together and make 2017 the year avoid making the same relationship mistakes over and over. Here are 10 people you need to stop dating this year.
1. The One Who Says She Doesn’t Want a Relationship
Why do we keep doing this to ourselves? You meet someone who states right up front that she isn’t looking for anything serious and, with your mouth, you say, “I totally understand.” But with your heart you whisper, Ima make you love me. Even if you somehow convince her to enter into a relationship with you, it becomes a constant struggle of trying to keep her committed. I mean, can you really be upset at someone for not being wholehearted in a relationship when she said from the beginning that she didn’t want to be in one? Save yourself the heartache and listen to the words.
2. The One You Don’t Really Like
Sometimes you’re way more into the idea of being in a relationship than the relationship itself. Stop dating for the sake of dating and always trying to make things happen. That doesn’t mean don’t put any effort into it, but it’s not a bad thing to admit you’re not into someone and cut ties. It’s much worse to keep it going, in spite of all your feelings, and drag it out until they think you’re in love and you want to fling yourself off a bridge every time you see her face. That’s on you.
3. The One You Already Broke Up With
Look, there’s a reason you broke up. If you just had a little fight and rekindled the relationship that’s one thing, but it’s very easy to romanticize a bad relationship, focusing on the good memories while completely forgetting about all the times you were asked to leave various Cheesecake Factories because you couldn’t use your indoor voice while arguing. When you’re single, it’s easy to start scrolling through your contacts and hit up that ex all of your friends hated, but we all know how it’s going to end—and so does the night manager at Chili’s.
4. The One with No Ambition
This is a big one, especially the older you get. In high school and college it was no big deal if you dated someone who only wanted to lie on the couch and watch My Two Dads reruns all day. But when you become a grownup and you want to build a life with someone, it’s difficult when you’re focused on bettering your career and she’s focused on having enough money to get Wendy’s for lunch. Of course we all go through hard times and by no means should you bail on someone while they’re down, but there’s a big difference between being going through a rough patch and making no effort to elevate yourself.
5. The One who Doesn’t Make Time for You
We’re all busy, but you’ll make time for the things you really care about. That doesn’t mean you answer every single text in the middle of the day or call off work to take a road trip together every week, but if someone isn’t putting forth any sort of effort to spend time with you, then she probably doesn’t have much appreciation for you. There’s nothing that makes you feel less valued than sending a text that’s ignored and seeing that person post a dozen tweets, Facebook statuses, Instagram pictures, Snapchat stories and LinkedIn requests. If you try and make plans and she just says “I can’t” without trying to find an alternative, that’s a big red flag.
6. The Hot One You Have Nothing in Common With
Hotness only goes so far and, even though you two have incredible sex, if you have nothing to talk about, you’re both soon going to get bored or annoyed. Sexual chemistry can only go so far and if there’s no substance behind it, then you’re just two people who hook up and happen to eat meals together. As much as you hate to see her go, you’ll both be happier moving on and finding someone you actually enjoy being around the other 23 hours per day. (That hour is me being very gracious and flattering to you, by the way.)
7. The One You Fall Back On
Oh man, this one is crucial. You’ve deleted her number a dozen times, but the stupid iPhone address book keeps bringing it back up and making you reconsider, even though it has absolutely, positively zero chance of ever being a thing. It’s like how NFL teams keep hiring Jeff Fisher as their head coach and then act shocked when their team falls apart. It hasn’t worked those last dozen times for a reason.
8. The One Who’s Always in a Crisis
As I mentioned earlier, you’d be kind of a monster to pack up and bail as soon as someone falls on hard times, but if every conversation is about a new crisis, you might want to reconsider things. When’s the last time she asked how you were or listened to any of your problems? There’s a big difference between being supportive and letting someone take advantage of you. Support and care has to be a two-way street or things will get very unbalanced very quickly.
9. The One with Awful Friends
When you start dating someone, you become part of each other’s life. If either one of you has things in your life that are unappealing to the other, it means one of you is going to have to make some changes. It’s a bold move to ask someone to cut off a friend, but it’s not unheard of. Now, on the other hand, if all of their friends are awful and you’re constantly surrounded by them, you’re going to need to decide if you can tolerate that for the duration of the relationship. If judging someone by her friends seems too far off, then substitute this one for those people you meet on apps that you clearly shouldn’t date but they also swiped right on you, so why not?
10. The One who Tells You She’s Crazy
It’s incredible how many red flags we ignore because we think we’re in love. Some people are clear right up front and will tell you that all of their exes hate them and they’ve tried to burn their houses down, and we just nod and smile while cartoon hearts pop out of our eyes. If someone is trying to make it abundantly clear that she’s a disaster and shouldn’t be in a relationship, let’s start taking her word for it, OK?