Only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse. Yes, you read that correctly. Only a quarter of the female population can have orgasms on the regular—no matter what the size of your manhood or how much she is attracted to you. Here’s another stat: Roughly 75 percent of all women are unable to reach an orgasm strictly via intercourse. They need some extra play in the form of toys, hands or your tongue. So how do you go about pleasing a woman to actually climax? We thought the most enlightened advice might come from women who’ve slept with other women, so we interviewed 10 queer women—from homosexual to bisexual to pansexual. Here’s what they had to say.


JOELLE, BISEXUAL
If you’re not super experienced, you may be nervous, but just remember: she’s naked in a room with you, so you won, dude. Be patient; some women take a minute to come. Okay, some can take like, a lot of minutes. Women can get into their own heads too much to come as quickly as men do. But given that I once committed to a 45-minute blowjob after one too many old fashioneds, you can pony up too.

Second, please stop doing the alphabet when you go down on a woman. I’m begging you: stop. I don’t know one woman who likes it. It’s messy, it’s confusing and sometimes, guys can’t help but hum along. This is a surprisingly popular tactic and usually results in a fauxgasm. One thing I can tell you for certain is that if she tells you, “Oh yes, that feels good,” keep doing that. Men that fancy themselves good in the sack almost always change course the moment I say “that feels nice”. No. Stop. Go back. Why in the world would you stop doing the thing she said feels good?

KITTY, QUEER
Don’t just pay attention to the sounds she makes. Women are taught to perform enjoyment for their partners and it’s not always an accurate tell. Pay attention to her body; does she move towards certain stimulation and away from others? Also, don’t forget that the clitoris extends into the labia. Playing with a woman’s labia is incredibly sexy for some, and indirect stimulation can often be better than focused attention. I like to lightly trace my tongue along her labia and even do the occasional delicate nibble.

Almost every woman I’ve ever slept with feels some level of body dysmorphia, and many women are incredibly self-conscious about how their pussy smells and tastes specifically. Telling her and showing her that you enjoy having your face buried in her pussy will help her feel more relaxed. The more you silently show her how much you love every inch of her, the more she’ll be able to silence the stories she’s heard about what makes the “perfect woman” and she’ll have more enjoyable sex.

JULIA, BISEXUAL
Slow it down and appreciate each moment. See how she reacts as you touch her and as she touches you. Kiss her neck more and spend time with each breast—not just one. The more foreplay, the better. Take out the trash without asking (that’s hot). Make yourself worthy; each dick is dispensable, after all. It’s the man attached to it that counts.

LUCY, PANSEXUAL
It’s frequently assumed that the clitoris is the only money spot. That’s not the case for many women. For example, I’ve had the pleasure of a woman who could achieve orgasm through nipple and breast stimulation. Another really liked having her inner labia stimulated along with the entrance to her vaginal opening. Ask your woman what she likes! If it’s difficult to articulate, try mutual masturbation. One can learn a lot about what pleases a partner, or their preferred method of reaching orgasm, through watching.

ELAINE, BISEXUAL
If you’re committed to understanding your partner’s needs better, start tracking her monthly cycle. Seriously! You’ll be able to know when she’s more likely to be emotionally sensitive versus when she will be hungry for you. On top of all that, keeping track of her monthly courses is a great way to get to know what is pleasurable for her at different times of the month. Our bodies change tone, texture and blood supply throughout the month. Something that feels great on week two might be annoying by the end of week three. Find an app that tracks a woman’s cycle; add notes about her mood, appetite, etc. as the month goes on. When you have sex, make notes about what she responded well too and what she didn’t. After a few months, you will probably start to see patterns emerge. Then you can be prepared to handle her emotional turns—and her changes in desire.

DONYALE, LESBIAN
Give your mate something to look forward to throughout the day to build up anticipation. Send her an erotic poem or a song recommendation—not a dick pic. The time you take on her will increase the overall experience for you both.

ZOE, LESBIAN
Your woman is not like any of the women you’ve had before and may not respond as others have. It’s okay to ask what she likes, if she likes what you’re doing or if she’s willing to try something different. Erogenous zones vary, so don’t make assumptions. Some women like lots of nipple play whereas others can only take a few minutes before feeling sore. Be creative and act lovingly toward her and her body. Find beauty in her features, her voice and her personality. Compliment her. Women like to feel an emotional or energetic connection when they make love, but we need to feel safe and comfortable first for that to happen. Finally, don’t over-drink beforehand; it will depress her sensations.

SOFIA, LESBIAN
Don’t be afraid to open your heart—or your butt.

CHRISTIAN, LESBIAN
I utilize the clitoris for everything because it’s the “Now you can enter me” button. You need to lock her in a gaze, set up the perfect kiss and then stimulate the clitoris, slowly. If you do it just right, her body will start to move. Now is the time to listen. Watch her hips, observe her breathing pattern and speed up and slow down accordingly. Only “enter her” when that body is moving towards you with a primal undulation. (You will know because you won’t need to do much; her body will actually start to take over.)

And if you think you’re already a good lover, it’s time to learn something about tantric sex. Start by breathing together and listening to each others’ bodies both energetically and physically. The more you can embrace her breath and stimulate her clitoris and nipples while increasing your pace, pressure and concentration, the harder she will come. A woman is not mysterious, but she is sacred and touch is connected to intention.

SARAH, LESBIAN
I can’t emphasize enough how important your hands are. Pretend you don’t have a penis for a little while and take it from there. Use light touch along the underside of her arms, back of her legs or between the shoulders blades, which are all incredibly sensitive regions. If you make use of knowing her largest organ—that is, her skin—she will be a vibrating mass of stimulated nerves.

When it comes to cunnilingus, don’t be afraid to ask her to freshen up for oral sex if you’re concerned. For technique, vary your tongue strokes. Make your tongue totally flat and do a long sweep of her labia. Go slowly, then go fast, then lightly blow air along her lips. Let her lead sometimes by laying your tongue flat and keeping still. Let her move on your mouth.

Remember, the physical and psychological realities for men and women are linked. Your penis is an appendage. You are entering her, or wanting to. Many women love penetration as a clitoral orgasm is building. She has to take you into her body, a very vulnerable proposition. You can hurt her if you aren’t present. Be present.