There are hundreds of advantages to being single and just as many lists online extolling the benefits of bachelorism. That’s not what this is about. Sometimes in life, whether you want it or not or whether you know it or not, you’re better off alone.
1. YOU’RE BROKE AF
If you think the occasional date is expensive—just wait until you get in a relationship. Then it’s dinners and their best friend’s destination wedding and anniversaries and Plan B, and, and, and… Forget it if your relationship is long-distance—those flights ain’t cheap. If you’re too broke to Uber to her house, don’t put the cart before the horse. Focus on becoming financially stable before you court the lady of your dreams.
2. YOU’RE DRIVEN AF
Some careers (entertainment, entrepreneurship, Wall Street) are so fiercely competitive, if you don’t give it all you’ve got, you don’t stand a chance of making it. If your career is your priority and you’re young and hungry, unless you meet a woman who’s in the same boat and understands that she is going to come second to it (and doesn’t care because she’s putting you second as well), don’t even think about coupling up. Relationships take time. Precious time you could be spending honing your craft, working late hours or networking.
3. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU WANT
One of the best ways to learn what you’re willing to put up with and what is an absolute deal breaker is to do a lot of research. Maybe you don’t know if you even want a traditional relationship. Maybe you want to explore something open. Maybe you want to check out that BDSM lifestyle. Maybe you aren’t sure if you even want kids. These are the questions you should have answers to before you commit to the long haul with anyone.
4. YOU’VE ONLY HAD SEX WITH ONE GIRL
Perhaps you like stuff in your butt, perhaps you don’t. (Hey, don’t knock it until you try it.) I wrote an extensive sexual bucket list of all kinds of experiences a man should have and why it’s important to have as many as you can before you settle down. And if you’re reading this thinking “But I’ve done it all,” you haven’t. Trust me.
5. YOU JUST GOT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP
I cannot stress this enough: Give. Yourself. Time. Time to heal. Time to be single again. Time to give your family and friends a minute to adjust. Time to get to know who you are now that you’ve left the comfortable bubble of domesticity. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your next relationship. You could meet the woman of your dreams on the first date you go on now that you’re newly single; I don’t care. Take it slow and continue to date other people. If she’s really the woman of your dreams, she’ll still be there when you’re ready.
6. YOU’RE DEPRESSED
Just like a couple will often make the mistake of thinking a baby will fix their relationship, a lot of people make the mistake of thinking a relationship will fix their emotional problems. It won’t. In fact, it will probably make them worse. Deal with your baggage. Get some therapy and get on meds if you need it. The only person capable of fixing your problems is staring at you in the mirror.
7. COMMITMENT MAKES YOU CLAUSTROPHOBIC
Family, Hollywood and society put a lot of pressure on us to find that crazy, stupid rom-com love. Not everyone is built for monogamy and that’s okay. Better to know that about yourself than hurt woman after woman trying to be something you’re not.
8. YOU CAN’T BE ALONE
This can show up in a lot of ways: serial monogamy, compulsive dating, filling every minute of your day with inconsequential people and unimportant activities. Left unchecked, this gaping hole can lead to codependency. Learn how to be comfortable in your own skin without feeling the need to reach for something to fill the void. Embrace your loneliness until it becomes solitude.
9. YOU JUST GOT SOBER
Or Internet famous. Or your dad died. Or life just threw you a curveball that rocked your fucking world. I’m absolutely not ruling out the chance of finding love when you least expect it, but don’t go looking for it right now. When I first got sober, I didn’t even consider dating anyone for the first year because I was such a mess. If you’re going through a major life change, do your best to weather it alone; not only will it give you a stronger sense of self, experiencing life’s challenges alone teaches us true inner fortitude.
10. YOU HAVEN’T LIVED DANGEROUSLY
Take the wild trips to the world’s most dangerous countries that you’ve always wanted to take. Go base-jumping off a mountain in Chile. Ride that motorcycle like a maniac. Dive with the sharks. If you’re one of those adrenaline junkies who feels compelled to take your life in your hands every opportunity you get, do it before you’re sharing a life with someone else. Once you have a wife and kids, taking those kinds of risks is selfish.
The moral of the story: You want to get those ya-yas out while you’re young. Work hard while you’re in those prime earning potential years so you can provide for a family and handle your business, practically and emotionally. KNOW THYSELF. In order to meet a whole, healthy woman, you need to be a whole, healthy man. Unless you’re one of those guys who’s destined to be single forever, in which case, hit me up.