The adaptation of America’s favorite “Twilight” fanfiction-turned-erotic novel comes out on February 13th. In the event that a overhyped R-rated movie doesn’t sound like your ideal Valentine’s Day date, here’s a list of sexier alternatives:

1. Actually have sex. This is a great option you can do with or without your bae.
2. Try tantra. This will fit right in with your yoga practice. Alternately, check out orgasmic meditation.
3. Pay for porn. There’s SO MUCH for free, but I believe that, as a general rule, you get what you pay for. If you disagree, there are always our 20 favorite free sites.
4. Make a sex tape. AskMen and Women’s Health have equally sound advice. (Do not put it on the internet. Unless that’s your thing.)
5. Read some quality erotica. Porn’s underrated stepsister is a great way to learn what makes you tick. Check out some of our favorites here.
6. Go toy shopping. Actually go into a sex shop and converse with the staff. Those people are pros. Find something that, literally or figuratively, vibes with what you’re into. Outfits are fun too!
7. Check out a class or a workshop. If you’re in the LA area, JT’s Stockroom will be offering “a sampling of six different types of play in one class” called Kinky Tapas (email university@stockroom.com).
8. Visit a dungeon. These can be hard to find on Yelp, but they generally are named “Den of” or “Lair of” something.
9. Network. Fetlife.com is, I’ve been told, the “kinky Facebook.” It feels like a safer and kinder alternative to Craigslist.
10. Listen to Portishead. I personally have never listened to Portishead, but I’ve been told my whole life that listening to Portishead makes people want to get freaky.