Why does no one ever smile on True Detective? One rich guy dies and I have to sit through hours of actors moping around, and for what? A couple of Emmy nominations! Here are the 10 times actors almost smiled on this season of True Detective.

1. Rachel McAdams Smile

This is as close as Rachel McAdams comes to smiling in the first five episodes. Here she is breaking character and internally laughing at the ridiculousness of having sex with a mustachioed rookie cop. Or just remembering Gosling.

2. McAdams as a Kid Not Smiling

In episode 3, Ani Bezzerides (Rachel McAdams) hippie father holds up a picture of her as a happy little girl. If you wondering what’s behind her creepy dead-eyed stare it might have something to do with a childhood spent living inside a cult.

3. Post Coital Kitsch

This is Paul Woodrough (Taylor Kitsch) going 100mph on a motorcycle and beaming from ear to ear after some heterosexual intercourse. Sure he’s not happy about it, but all teeth are present, which counts as a smile on this season of True Detective.

4. Colin Farrell in a Ski Mask

OK, you can’t tell if he’s smiling or not, but that’s close enough for Ray Velcoro (Colin Farrell). He’s about to beat the feces out of some guy for no reason, which is definitely Ray’s favorite thing to do in the world. More than likely, he’s only wearing the ski mask just so we won’t see how happy he really is.

5. Picture of George W. Bush

One of the only smiles in the whole f-ing series belongs to a framed picture of George W. Bush. Here he is posing for a picture just happy that Dick Cheney does all the dirty work involved with being President. These days painting watercolor portraits of puppies is what brings a smile to the face of our 43rd President.

6. Creepy Wooden Doll

Here’s a creepy wooden doll almost smiling. This first generation wooden troll doll is thinking is, “you people need to relax and smile once and awhile. Also, I know I’m super creepy looking, but thanks for proudly displaying me in your home.”

7. Mayor of Vinci

He’s a little tired, very drunk and underneath that creepy mustache is the wry smile of a man who finds corrupting local government to be pretty easy and very rewarding.

8. The Cry-Smile

Here we have Gena Brune (Abigail Spencer) trying to fight back a smile from the ridiculousness of playing a character who’s only storyline is having to tell Ray (Colin Farrell) over and over that the chubby redheaded kid might not be his son.

9. Fat Guy Smiling

OK, so some people do actually smile in True Detective. But they’re usually few and far between and the smiles don’t last very long.

10. Fat Guy’s Smile Removed

Because those who do smile on True Detective will be appropriately punished.