If you haven’t played Bungie’s insanely addictive shooter Destiny, be warned that once you start, you may never stop. The gameplay is quite similar to Halo, but what really ropes you in is the character development. Obviously you already know this though, or you wouldn’t be reading an article about the struggles of Destiny addiction. But if you aren’t sure at what level your addiction has risen to, here are some definite signs to be on the lookout for:
1. The Color Yellow Gets You Visibly Excited
What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the color yellow? The sun? A banana? The correct answer is actually an exotic weapon or armor. I would cancel a date if I got a bounty for an exotic weapon 20 minutes before I was supposed to leave. “Sorry, something just came up.” Yeah it did and I’ll have an exotic hand cannon before the end of the night.
2. You Forgot Numbers Go Past 32
Until the next expansion pack comes out, any number beyond 32 doesn’t matter. If someone says they play and their rank is in the teens or early 20s, you pat them on the head and tell them to come back and talk to you when they can do a raid without instantly exploding.
3. You’ve Cancelled Plans Because You Had Bounties to Do
Family members have birthdays all the time, but how often are you going to get five bounties you can do at once AND the bonus bounty for finishing five in a single day? I’m sure Nana understands how important it is to knock out all of Eris’ bounties so you can upgrade that stupid Husk of the Pit weapon into an exotic.
4. People Think You’re Dating Someone Named Xur Because You’re Constantly Talking About How You Can’t Wait to See Him This Weekend
If I told you I couldn’t hang out Saturday because Xur has something special for me, you’d think I was in a really pleasant relationship, right? Instead it’s a guy that’s 90% cloth who stops by like a cool divorced dad offering you all the stuff you can rarely get during the week.
5. You Can Hear Someone Saying the Word “Raid” Anywhere Within a Mile Radius
For the most part, you need around six people to complete a Raid. That doesn’t sound like an issue, but trying to find friends who can all be on at the same time and actually know what they’re doing can be frustrating. That means you have to walk around parks whispering “Raids? Raids? Anybody doin some Raids?” like you’re a very obvious drug dealer, just hoping to find a 32 that can help you through the Vault of Glass.
6. “Urzok the Hated” Haunts Your Dreams
You’re plowing through Eris’ bounties left and right when you get one that requires you to kill some guy named Urzok the Hated during a public event. No problem, right? This idiot has more shields than the set of Game of Thrones, but what makes it so infuriating is that you’re surrounded by a hundred enemies who all want to kill you and on top of that, you also only have a short amount of time to take Urzok down. I’m started to get where he got the nickname “The Hated.”
7. You Stopped Speaking to a New Guy That Blew Up a Cursed Thrall Next to You
You’re almost done getting your bounties for finishing a strike without dying and killing 100 enemies without dying. You see a bunch of thrall running out and decide to quickly wipe them out. That is, until someone decided to shoot a cursed thrall in the head at the exact moment you were running by. Glad you got your precision kill, because you just blew me to bits.
8. If Your Alarm Clock Played Omnigull’s Scream, You’d Never Oversleep Again
It’s not that Omnigull is that difficult on her own; the problem is trying to get to her over that oddly shaped bridge and a non-stop flood of Hive enemies flooding at you. Your team finally cuts through them and gets to Omnigull, then that scream hits. She’s like Drake’s mix tape because if you’re hearing this, it’s too late.
9. You’ve Held A Personal Vendetta Against the Cryptarch
You found a purple emblem and felt a little tingle in your stomach. What legendary weapon could it be? Maybe it’s a new piece of armor? You quickly go back to the tower and sprint over to the Cryptarch. And that’s when you get it. It turns out to be a few ether seeds and some rare fusion rifles. If I could pull out my shotgun right now I would end that idiot’s reign of stupidity forever. Car dealerships have better trade in values than this jerk.
10. Your Phone Autocompletes The Word Gjallarhorn
Sometimes when I’m alone, I’ll dim all the lights, turn on some Keith Sweat, and fantasize about how amazing it would be to get my hands on a Gjallarhorn. It’s more than an physical attraction; it’s pure love.
11. You’ve Figured Out the Actual Story of the Game
Just kidding. Nobody knows what’s actually going on. Just tell that poorly crafted robot to give me some more bounties and I’ll be on my way.
12. You’d Be Friends with Someone Just Because They Have an Icebreaker
It’s a good thing Destiny wasn’t out when I was in high school because there’s a 100% chance I would’ve promised someone my sister in exchange for his help on Raids. “Can I just smell that sweet, sweet replenishing ammo from your Icebreaker, bro?”