Do you wonder what’s going on in the houses on your block? Next time you’re walking around your neighborhood trying to peak into your neighbors windows, maybe you’ll understand why they have their blinds pulled. They are usually doing creepy stuff inside. Reddit polled their users who often go inside stranger’s homes for work and these are our favorite responses.
1. DELIVERY DEPRESSION
As a Domino’s delivery guy, you’re not supposed to go inside people’s houses, but often times feel pressured to by people, especially elderly or handicapped people who have difficulty going to the door. This one man was in a house the size of my bedroom, and unable to get out of his chair. So I helped myself in when I saw this man with one leg struggling to even leave his chair. After setting his pizza down, he reached for his wallet and I noticed how severe his hands were trembling. He asked me to pull out enough money for the food. I’ll never forget the shame on his face, he was not old but clearly struggling, and very uncomfortable with his disability. I tried to act like it wasn’t a big deal, and he mentioned that he’d had an accident on the job that cost him his leg and some motor functions. My heart was on the floor when I left. I usually spent all my tips on beer back then, but I put half of what I had made that day in his mailbox. I doubt it was that much of a blessing, but he blessed mine by leaving an impression on me. Whenever I feel sorry for myself I think of that lonely man, and how good I really have it.
2. TARGARYEN POOL HOUSE
I’m a pool guy, I go into people’s backyards to clean their pools.
One week, it was a 4 day week due to a holiday, so I’m not going on the scheduled days, I’m cramming 5 days of work into a 4 day week.
It’s a hot summer day, and I walk into the backyard of this house, get through both gates, and I’m met with an odd sight. These 2 kids, maybe 14 or 15, are absolutely butt ass naked, cuddled on a poolside recliner. I look at them, they look at me. I immediately turn around and they run inside.
I see the owners all the time, but I’ve never seen these kids before. Next week I go, the wife was outside, and we started chit chatting. I ask her if she’s had any visitors recently, she says no. I let her know that I saw some kids in her backyard, and she cut me off. She says, “Yeah, surprised you haven’t met them, lemme introduce you.”
They were brother and sister.
3. EXOTIC PET HOUSE
I was an aide for a state politician. She was doing a constituent visit pertaining to an upcoming bill, and liked to have someone with her just in case. The guy ran a reptile rescue operation (mostly concerned with exotic pets that escaped/were abandoned), and his entire basement was outfitted with small reptile habitats for temporary storage. He had pools with small crocodiles, a few of those massive pythons that are so often used in conservation public outreach stuff, and even a little workbench where he repaired the shells of turtles that had been hit by cars.
4. A GAMER’S DREAM
Well, not really too crazy, but it got me out of work for a day:
Used to do HVAC and went into a customer’s house to tape up vents (have to do this to test the air pressure in the system). Well, in one room he had a MASSIVE table for tabletop games (win!), walls covered in Marvel posters, and Magic: The Gathering cards everywhere. Started talking to the guy, and he ends up calling my boss asking him if I could stay down stairs to explain what was going on throughout the day. As I was new, my boss didn’t really like this idea, but the customer gets what the customer wants. Ended up playing WH40K and MTG all day and get paid for it (including overtime!). Best work day ever.
5. NIGHTMARE WORTHY
Insurance adjuster here. There was this one lady who had a house fire followed almost immediately by a heart attack (she was 90). So the next of kin let us into the house to investigate the damage the fire had done. She was clearly a hoarder and had two rooms literally filled with boxes of stuff she didn’t want to give away or sell (all ruined). The crazy thing was the 3rd room. There must have been around 200 dolls. In all manner of poses all along the walls on shelves or in glass cabinets. Since the place had been drenched by the firefighters all of the dolls looked like they had been crying black tears (due to the smoke water combo). It was damn terrifying.
6. PERKS OF BEING A FATASS
My dad is a firefighter, and the call was for someone who couldn’t get up out of his chair. It was a 400 pound guy with a huge ketchup stain on his chest with crumbs in it. Low and behold, there’s a empty bucket of KFC chicken next to the chair. The dude was so lazy he squirted ketchup on his chest and dipped the chicken in it.
7. WANNABE EGYPTIAN
I work at a psychiatric hospital, and am sometimes required to join my patients to visit their home for many purposes, like retrieving documents.
This one time I joined a patient of mine and went to visit his old house with him. This guy was a professor in geography and was incredibly intelligent, but was, unfortunately for him, also prone to schizophrenia.
Once we arrived, he unlocked the door and we stepped in, only for me to lay my eyes on the most amazing house I have ever seen in my entire life. This man, in his psychosis, wheeled in hundreds and hundreds of wheelbarrows full of sand, thus transforming his house, living room, bedroom, bathroom and everything, into a dune landscape. For the trees he used old Christmas trees (you know, the plastic fake ones), and scattered here and there between the trees stood a toaster, oven, a table and some chairs.
I looked through this house in amazement, and finally this man walks up to me and says: “You like it, don’t you? I can tell.”
8. THINGS TO REPORT
I used to be a cable guy. I saw some weird stuff. There is one house that I’ll never forget though. The house had an unfinished basement with just a cement floor. I walk down the stairs and there is a Pit Bull that is chained up to a steel support pole in the middle of the basement. It was deathly skinny. There were so many piles of dog shit lying on the cement floor I could hardly make a step without stepping in it. It obviously reeked of dog shit and urine. I walked back upstairs, told the customer that I refuse to work in that environment and went back to my truck and left.
9. WHEN YOUR COOL STAYS COOL
I don’t have this job anymore, but I was selling security systems one summer in Indianapolis, Indiana. We would walk door to door and try and sell the systems to whoever would buy one. I was in a rather run down beat up neighborhood and knocked on this house front door and three guys answered, which in itself was weird, why would three people answer the door. I said to myself fuck it, who cares if they all look doped up idiots (picture Kid Rock), I’m going to try and sell the security system. So I introduced myself, told them what company I was with (ADT) and what the deal was. They all seemed kind of interested so I told them I would give them a free estimate if they wanted. They said sure and I went inside and started the estimate. Basically counting doors and windows and stuff like that. I start walking through the house. Go into the kitchen. The kitchen table was FULL I mean running over with pot. One guy was sitting next to the kitchen table in a school desk with a scale and weighing it out. I immediately decided, I need to be super fucking cool about this or I might be in some deep shit. So I turned to the guys following me and said, “you guys should probably buy this, with that being there, you definitely need it.” The guy replied “Right, that’s what I was thinking. You’re cool man, I thought you would’ve freaked out” I replied “Oh, I am.“ He paid me cash, I chose a specific installer that I knew would ignore the pot and just install the system. I made a sale and was on my way. Neither I nor the installer told the police, because we didn’t live in that city, who were we to give fucks.
Architect, was at a house to measure/take photos for an addition we were supposed to be doing. Knock on the door and hear somebody yell "come on in, it’s unlocked, I’m at the back” so I start making my way back. Very old house, and the entire front rooms were meticulously decorated and maintained to be current style of the house.
We get to the back and find the client, who I had never met, 80 year old white female in a nightie smoking a blunt and playing Civ 5, 800 turns in. Full on hoarding, but it’s like, rich person hoarding, so it’s just all artwork and expensive furniture and jewelry EVERYWHERE. Even worse was going to the 2nd level of the house, where she fostered dogs but never took them outside to use the bathroom, so there’s dog shit and piss everywhere. Nice lady though.
11. RIDE IT, MY PONY
Actually today I saw something that made me laugh. I’m a postman so didn’t go inside, but as I was walking up to the house, I could see through the window.
There was a guy riding a mobility scooter in the living room on his own, he was riding it in a circle waving his arm above his head as if he was waving a lasso about, it was quite awkward when he saw me and looked pretty embarrassed
12. REASONS TO AVOID CRAIGSLIST
When I was at college, I did random jobs for people on craigslist for cash. Most of it involved building Ikea furniture, which people are happy to pay for.
One day I go into this couples house that has just moved in and I get to building their book shelf, TV cabinet etc in the living room. I’m busy doing my thing but I can’t help but notice quite a few different people walking past me every few minutes. All walking towards the bedroom, none coming back. So I’m obviously thinking to myself that this is just another casual afternoon orgy. I go to investigate out of pure curiosity thinking that I’ll just say that I was ready to build the bed.
I open the door expecting to see a bunch of naked people, sucking and f—ing and licking and d—ing. But what I saw was much more disturbing. They were all fully clothed, completely silent, cuddling on the mattress. It was a craigslist cuddle group. I felt so dirty and confused.
13. DILDOS DON’T DISAPPOINT
If you hire a mover to pack and move your house, we will find, have to pick up, and potentially chase each other with your dirty pictures and sex toys, if you’re dumb enough to leave them loose in your closet and drawers.