Everyone does it. Everyone regrets it. You’re all comfy in bed and feeling just the right amount of drowsy. It’s a reasonable hour and you’re going to feel absolutely amazing in the morning. Then it happens. You remember there’s one little email you need to check real quick before going to sleep. And that’s the moment when everything in your life completely falls apart. Here’s what happens:
1. You open your laptop fully expecting to go straight to your email, check it, and go to bed. It’s 11pm so you’ll get a solid night’s sleep.
2. The browser is already open and it’s on your Facebook page. There’s a notification, so you might as well just check it super fast before the email.
3. It’s your old college roommate Kevin. He liked the picture of the movie Over The Top you posted earlier. Remember the arm wrestling movie with Stallone?
4. What was the name of the grandfather on Over the Top? You’d better hop over to IMDB and check it out or it’s going to bother you all night long.
5. Robert Loggia! That’s right. Now you’re scrolling through his IMDB page and remember that he was on Independence Day. Aren’t they supposed to be making a sequel to that movie? You’d better look it up.
6. You search “Independence Day 2” and click on one of the articles. It’s coming out next year! Wait, what’s the other article link at the bottom of the page? 10 Signs You Grew Up in the Midwest in the 90s. Well you have to click on that.
7. You scroll through it and it’s pretty accurate. You might as well read through the comments and see what all these random strangers think about it, right?
8. It’s now an hour later and you’ve become emotionally invested in a comment section argument that started with a post about Indiana’s best colleges and spiraled into someone claiming that Obama is a Muslim. How does it always end up there?
9. You just got another Facebook notification. This time it was from Denise, your ex. She liked your “Congratulations” comment you left on your mutual friend’s wedding picture.
10. Is that a sign? Does she want to get back together? Guess the only sensible thing to do is go to her page and investigate every post she’s done for the last two months since you broke up.
11. This guy Mark seems to be clicking like on quite a few of her posts. Let’s check this idiot out and see what he thinks he’s doing.
12. She was tagged with him and a few other people at the Cheesecake Factory last week. Is he trying to date Denise? He’d better back up. She said she wasn’t looking for a relationship right now so if suddenly Mark comes in and sweeps her off her feet you’re going to be really hurt.
13. Oh wait, is he gay? He might be gay. You hope he’s gay.
14. Now it’s 3am and you have to be up for work in 4 hours and you’re just lying here thinking about Denise and Mark and how they’re probably going to see Independence Day 2 together!
15. You close your laptop and angrily roll over. What did you even get on here to do in the first place? Oh right, email. You check it on your phone. No new messages. Great.