No matter if 2015 was the greatest year of your life or the absolute worst, we can all come together and agree that these things were complete trash and need to go away for all of eternity. If you’ve already forgotten about some of them I apologize for bringing it back to your attention, but if we don’t learn from the past, we are destined to repeat it, right?
1. Johnny Manziel
He’s never going to be an elite quarterback and he plays for one of the worst teams in the NFL, but every time there’s even a rumor of him playing sports shows jump all over it and expect us to care that he’s might be the Browns quarterback tossing interceptions this week. It’s like Cousin Eddie on Christmas Vacation holding out for a management position.
2. True Detective
The first half of the first season of True Detective was some of the most gripping television in years. We were all obsessed. It faltered a little at the end, but we were still really excited for season 2. Then it started. It was bad. Then it got worse. And just kept getting worse. Honestly you deserve some kind of certificate if you endured that train wreck until the end.
3. People Still Believing Facebook Is Going To Start Charging a Membership Fee
How does this keep coming up time and time again? Some idiot posts a nonsense meme about Facebook Gold or some other ridiculous concept and suddenly everyone’s aunt is posting a declaration letting Facebook know their photos won’t be used for Gymboree ads and their status updates can’t be published in Hallmark cards.
4. “On Fleek”
Most dumb internet phrases can be linked back to one moment or have some kind of meaning, but on fleek is the exception to that rule. Nobody really knows what it means but that doesn’t stop them from yelling it out and adding it as a hashtag to their 8000th selfie of the day.
5. YouTube Reaction Videos
The worst thing about a video going viral is that you know a terrible reaction video is on the way. Who cares what FlexChad69 and CouponGal4Life think about the Pizza Rat video? What internet spiral are you on that you’ve watched everything and now you have to watch videos of strangers watching videos?
6. Pizza Hut’s Hog Dog Crust Pizza
It’s fat enough that we found a way to cram cheese into the crust of a pizza, but Pizza Hut took it to another level by turning the crust into a series of miniature hot dogs. Let’s just throw an entire deep fried turkey on there and dip the whole thing in lard and sink the continent with our fat gravy thighs.
7. The Fat Jew
Few people were as hated on the internet as professional copy and paster The Fat Jew. After being exposed as a thief he saw his book sales plummet into the toilet and his show with Comedy Central fall apart, although I’m sure his lack of talent would’ve taken care of that on its own.
8. Iggy Azalea
Iggy Azalea is the above ground pool of hip-hop. She makes music for people that go to steak houses and order the chicken tenders. Something tells me that if anyone from this list is going to fade into obscurity first, it’ll be Nick Young’s lover.
9. The Human Centipede
The first Human Centipede movie was gross, but something you could watch with your friends and grimace through. The second one made you want to die and toss your eyeballs into a furnace. The third and (HOPEFULLY) final installment was such an abysmal piece of trash you could use it at Guantanamo Bay to interrogate suspected terrorists.
10. Donald Trump
After treating the presidential debate stage like an episode of Monday Night Raw, Trump went on to suggest we build a wall, ship off Muslims, and change Kid Rock’s Bawitdaba to the National Anthem, I think. It’ll be nice when he goes the way of Gotye and becomes somebody that I used to know.
11. Adam Sandler’s Movies
The 90s were a great time for Adam Sandler. He was a star on Saturday Night Live and was constantly putting out hilarious comedies. Now it seems as though he’s still playing his Billy Madison character, but in every role he books. Who is paying to see these cinematic brain tumors? Let’s hope at some point he starts concerning himself with a legacy more than a checkbook and makes a movie without Kevin James in a political position.
The ridiculous conspiracy theory that those vapor lines left behind by airplanes are actually mind controlling drugs released by the government has gotten new life in 2015 as young (dumb?) celebrities like Jaden Smith and Kylie Jenner began raising awareness. Thank goodness they’re using their platforms for something useful and not something completely stupid.
13. Man Buns
We get it, you have long hair and you can put it into something smaller than a ponytail. Real cool.
14. Kim Davis
She became famous for refusing to issue marriage certificates to gay couples once it was legalized, but nothing could have prepared us for the ridiculous moment she came out of jail to Eye of the Tiger and was hoisted into the air by Mike Huckabee like the end of Rudy.
15. Vine Stars That Dress Like Cartoon Cereal Mascots
If you’re 14 years old and making wacky, silly Vine videos that’s a perfectly understandable thing to do. If you’re a 33-year-old man that dresses in neon colors and a sideways baseball cap that may or may not have come from Gymboree while talking about “THAT FEELING WHEN YO MOM MAKES YOU DO YOUR HOMEWORK ON DA WEEKEND” you need to toss your laptop into the ocean and never bother society again.
16. Parody Songs Done By Anyone Besides Weird Al
Just stop it, internet. You’ll never be as good as the master and most of your songs aren’t even parodies. Just because you sing something to the same tune doesn’t make it a parody, you dork. Your parents definitely don’t tell any of their friends what you do for a living, by the way.
17. Jared Fogle
I think we can all agree that we’re fine with never seeing creepy Jared and his giant jeans again.
18. Celebrities Against Vaccinations
Imagine bringing a human life into the world that’s your sole responsibility and you make your medical decisions for this tiny person based on what the guy from Me, Myself, and Irene recommended. No thanks, doctor. I’ve already got all the information I need from Ace Ventura!