If you’re reading this list then you’ve most likely spent countless hours mindlessly laughing at jokes, interacting with people you’ll never meet, and seeing more of people’s lives and political stances than you certainly wanted to. The following 22 tweets are what I consider to be the funniest tweets about Twitter itself, including the types of people, styles of tweets, and content that make up the ridiculous website we all love (and sometimes hate) so wonderful.
some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we’re too far away to hear his answer]— bandit (@UtilityLimb) September 29, 2011
3y/o just told a dumb joke, I laughed & now he won’t stop repeating versions & looking at me expectantly if you wanted to understand twitter— maura quint (@behindyourback) February 7, 2015
Just opened twitter to kill 5 minutes. That was 4 years ago. Please help me. I had a family.— JamieDMJ (@JamieDMJ) November 26, 2014
How to Be Good At Twitter— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) July 8, 2014
1. don’t be
2. don’t have that be your goal
3. aim higher
4. seriously, go outside or something
HI MOM. YOU’RE GONNA BE SO PROUD. I JUST WON AN ARGUMENT ON THE INTERNET. Sorry caps lock was still on from the argument. But I won.— Ristolable (@Ristolable) May 4, 2013
lol my boss just called me into has office and told me I’ve been spending too much time on twitter. Hold on he’s saying something else now— dan mentos (@DanMentos) April 22, 2015
Calling yourself a comedian cause you’re good at Twitter is like calling yourself an NBA player cause your paper ball made it in the trash.— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) January 10, 2015
Commercial for Twitter dot com:— tony (@sadvil) June 11, 2013
*man yells nonsense out his window*
Narrator: Don’t you wish there were a better way?
[explaining twitter to my mom]— Hippo (@InternetHippo) December 21, 2014
Everyone is mad about something all the time and I’m a cartoon
And satan said “let all the opinions of strangers on social media have an absurdly large effect on you” and it was so— NOT A METH LAB (@jenlaw_11) June 25, 2013
*writes a tweet with exactly 140 characters*— badtweetsdan (@OtherDanOBrien) December 30, 2014
Put away your precious LOLs & crying-face emojis, my dears. Your manual RTs have no power here.
dad why can’t elephants swim?— brent (@murrman5) November 28, 2014
can’t keep their trunks up
*looks at more serious son* “thats why I’m leaving him the twitter account”
the twilight zone episode where the guy blocks everyone on twitter and becomes startled and bewildered when no one is left to give him favs,— wint (@dril) February 27, 2015
[In armchair, swirling a glass of brandy, smoking a pipe]— Rob Cee (@TheRobCee) January 17, 2015
[butler scurries in]
“Fetch me my cloak… I feel a tweet coming on.”
[meeting someone in real life who has savage in their twitter name] omg. ur so savage!! please dont steal my girl. please. dont dm her pls— eric turtle (@dubstep4dads) July 19, 2014
Yeah go ahead mom, enjoy your little glasses of wine and your shows on Netflix… I’ll just be upstairs brutally parodying you on twitter.— Mike F (@mikefossey) April 11, 2015
“You did good,” I say, leading a mediocre tweet into the field.— James Pianka (@jamespianka) February 12, 2014
“Where we going, dad?” It squeezes my hand.
The pistol is heavy.
Shriek your Twitter name between songs at concerts and hope that it makes the live album.— Mark Leggett (@markleggett) April 9, 2014
How did I meet my wife? Well, she used to make jokes on Twitter, so I just replied with tactless, sexual comments until she fell for me.— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) September 1, 2013
listen *drags cigarette* you don’t wanna tweet, kid *exhales* we already did all the jokes— wrestling believer (@HumanPog) June 1, 2013
To anyone who says Twitter is pointless, ive just seen someone on Facebook answer a riddle with the same answer as the previous 39451 people— k e e t 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) March 7, 2013