This collection of 25 hilarious tweets goes out to all the dads we know and love. From the traditional handy man dads to the quirky dads to the hipster dads to the crazy, scary dads, there are jokes for every Papa Bear out there. And just in time for Father’s Day!
[At dinner w girlfriend’s parents] “Watch this” *pretends to play plate like tambourine* *her dad gives her a secret thumbs up but I see it*— pat tobin (@tastefactory) March 27, 2014
Last party I was at had 7 dads. The sheer deck building power in the room was palpable.— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) July 7, 2013
If four dads are ever in the same room together they spontaneously form into a bowling team.— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) May 14, 2015
“dad can I get a tattoo?”— brent (@murrman5) November 6, 2014
[10 minutes later]
out of curiosity, what did you wanna get?
“dinosaur revving a dirtbike”
I’ll ask your mother
*sees New Balance 609s hanging on wire*— luke [from online] (@internetluke) November 22, 2014
*hears faint “hi scared, I’m dad” echoing through neighborhood*
MY DAD JUST FELL THROUGH THE CEILING OMFGSKAJSJSJA pic.twitter.com/YOFHIgTzuj— Deric (@DericRichardson) April 4, 2014
[group of dads enters curtain store]— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) December 1, 2014
Hi can I help you?
I CURTAINLY HOPE SO
[nonstop laughter & high 5s for next 45 mins]
If you’re having girl problems I feel bad for you, son.— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) September 16, 2013
So call me back when you get this and we can talk. I’m your dad and I love you.
DAD GUIDE ON HOW TO WATCH A MOVIE:— phil mann (@philmann) December 27, 2014
1) put on a movie
2) don’t watch it
3) read a book
4) every time something happens ask what happened
My dad’s a dentist who always put his job before his family. He sent me a Sonicare on my birthday, but all I really wanted was a Son i care.— Growly Grego (@GrowlyGrego) July 25, 2013
I’m unpredictable. Like a dad on a field trip.— crappystuffforjerks (@somecleverthing) May 25, 2014
Yall my dad has no chill about graduation :/ pic.twitter.com/xv0oe22doS— Jøsh (@Joshxxu) May 27, 2015
[Meeting girlfriend’s parents]— Ben Cohen (@UniqueDude2) April 15, 2015
Me: Well Mrs. Ashford, I can see where Elle gets her good looks!
<Mr. Ashford sulks the rest of dinner>
Son: But dad, I don’t wanna get slimed!— Max Dylan Ash (@mynameisntdave) March 7, 2015
Nickelodeon Dad: There are kids in Africa BEGGING to get slimed right now so put on ur damn goggles
I remember when I didn’t used to choose hotels based on their proximity to theme parks.— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) July 29, 2014
Dad?— Line Art Lionheart (@notalogin) September 16, 2014
What made you and Mom decide to adopt me?
There was a Groupon.
Boy, are you Obamacare because the fact that my father hates you with no coherent reason as to why only makes you more appealing to me.— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) October 23, 2013
[ordering cake over phone]— k e e t 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) June 8, 2015
“and what would you like the cake to say?”
[covers phone to ask wife]
“do we want a talking cake?”
Son, your mom and I have been fighting a lot lately and we have decided that *dad piledrives mom into the coffee table* we’re gonna go pro.— Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee) September 21, 2013
*mom rips off face* it’s me, dad! I’ve been here all along, son!— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) July 27, 2013
“but… what about mom?”
*struggles to put mask back on*
So my dad tried to cook a pizza… pic.twitter.com/G7Ji2mL14M— Paige Martin (@paige_martin16) December 14, 2014
No! I just got bit by a Dad. I feel the transformation starting *goes to Home Depot & buys materials to build a deck* I’M GONNA BUILD A DECK— Cram it, nerds (@Jonny_Wags) July 16, 2012
The older you get the more holidays become about keeping your father off a ladder— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) November 27, 2014
Wife: can u pick the kids up from school?— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 23, 2014
Me blowing on the coffee in my ‘Worlds Best Dad Quarter Finalist’ mug: which school do they go to?