The reviews for the highly anticipated Batman vs Superman have been…not good. Many people expected Ben Affleck to be the problem, but he was surprisingly solid. The real problem for most fans seems to come from the writing and directing choices. But could it have been much worse? Here are 5 rejected endings for the movie that would have been much worse, or maybe much better, depending on how much you disliked the original.
INT. BATCAVE – NIGHT
BATMAN falls to his knees after an exhausting battle. He’s tattered and bruised. Slowly, he removes his mask.
I did it. I finally defeated the Superman.
ALFRED enters and rushes over to Batman’s side.
Master Wayne! Are you ok?
Batman collapses into Alfred’s arms and looks up at him with an accomplished smile.
I did it, Alfred. I destroyed Superman.
Alfred looks confused.
Yes. Of course. Superman.
Alfred takes a deep breath.
Master Wayne, what are you talking about?
I’ve been fighting Superman for weeks now. We’ve battled across the city. It’s been back and forth, but today I put him down for good.
I don’t know how to tell you this, sir. But…
What is it?
JUST SAY IT!
Bruce, Superman died ten years ago…on this very night…in this very room. Batman pulls himself up and looks Alfred in the eyes.
Alfred pulls out a newspaper that was conveniently in his back pocket.
It’s all right here.
Batman grabs the newspaper that reads SUPERMAN DIES FROM WASP STINGS - TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY.
Batman drops the paper and starts screaming.
Wait a minute. If he’s dead, then who have I been fighting this whole time? Whose body is in this trash bag?
Alfred and Batman both stare at the large trash bag in the corner of the room.
Oh god, did you kill another German Shepherd?
Batman slowly walks over and pulls open the bag. The music builds. Suddenly we see that it’s…BRUCE WILLIS!
Looks like Bruce Willis was dead the whole time…again.
Batman looks up and Alfred has VANISHED!
Wait, was Alfred a ghost as well??
Alfred pokes his head from around the corner.
Oh sorry. I thought we were done with this. I was going back upstairs.
But what should I do with Bruce Willis’ body?
Whatever. I guess he doesn’t Die so Hard after all, huh?
Alfred laughs loudly.
I don’t get it.
EXT. GOTHAM STREET CORNER - DAY
BATMAN and SUPERMAN have just finished destroying most of Gotham in their epic battle. Everything is in ruins.
Have you had enough yet?
Hah! Never! Have YOU had enough yet?
Batman cracks his knuckles and wipes the blood from his lip.
After what you did to me online, I will never be done.
Superman gets ready to charge in to fight, but then stops and looks perplexed.
You know exactly what you did and don’t even try to deny it.
Superman completely switches out of battle mode.
Dude I seriously have no idea what you’re talking about.
Batman pulls out his phone and starts scrolling.
Uh, are you telling me you didn’t post this meme of me leaning over with a little bit of my belly hanging out? The one with that says FATMAN? I’m looking at it right here. And also I’m not fat. That was just a very unflattering angle and I had been really depressed and honestly it was just uncalled for.
Superman takes the phone from him.
Uh, I didn’t post this.
Don’t play dumb. It says your name right there.
Superman turns the phone around to Batman’s face.
This is a parody account. Look at the username. It says SupermAAn, with two a’s. My account is verified.
Batman grabs the phone.
Let me see this.
Batman clicks on the account and realizes Superman is right.
Oh boy. This is embarrassing.
Haha you mean this whole thing started over an Instagram parody account?
It would seem so! Boy do I have egg on my face!
Well I think we’ve learned a very valuable lesson here.
The city continues to burn behind them.
I’ll say! Always double check things you read on the internet!
They put their arms around each other and start walking into the sunset.
Honestly I think you look great!
Oh my gosh thank you! I cut out wheat and it’s working wonders.
INT. ABANDONED BUILDING - EVENING
The moment has come. SUPERMAN and BATMAN stand at each side of the dirty, dark room and prepare to finally clash head to head.
Looks like it’s time to find out once and for all who’s the strongest.
It would appear so.
Let’s do this.
Batman and Superman take off running at each other at the same time. They begin yelling louder and louder the closer they get.
Finally, they make impact!
Batman explodes into tiny bits and pieces of his body fill the room.
WONDER WOMAN enters through a window.
Oh my god what happened?
Batman wanted to fight me one on one.
Did he not realize that you’re an all powerful alien and he’s a rich guy in a costume?
Haha apparently not.
So he’s dead?
Yep. The most dead.
She looks around the room at all the blood and guts
Well that was kind of anti-climatic. And honestly it was way more gory than I’d imagined.
Yeah there’s no way we’re going to get a PG-13 rating with that graphic death in there.
They both just stand around for a minute.
Should we leave? I don’t know.
I mean, I don’t know what else would happen at this point. What was he thinking?
Makes no sense.
Oh well. Let’s go eat, I guess?
EXT. THE SKY - DAY
SUPERMAN is flying around in the clouds without a care in the world.
EXT. THE GROUND - DAY
BATMAN is looking up at Superman flying around while trying to jump up and grab him, even though he’s at least 500 feet above him.
This isn’t fair!
Superman swoops down and slaps Batman in the back of the head, then sails right back up into the clouds.
Do you feel good about this? Must be a real tough guy, huh?
Superman swoops down again and throws a bird directly into Batman’s face, then soars out of sight.
Oh come on! You know you have to come down eventually!
Superman spells out “NO I DON’T” in the sky.
Ok you wanna play games like this? I’ll go punch Lois right in her face.
In an instant, Superman digs up Batman’s parents and arranges them in the Charlie’s Angels pose next to Batman, takes a picture of them, and posts it on every screen in the world.
You sure that’s a good idea?
DID YOU JUST DIG UP THE SKELETONS OF MY PARENTS???
Are we done yet?
Not even close! I’m gonna-
Before Batman can even finish his threat, Superman flies so fast he makes time go backwards and keeps going until he reaches the day Bruce Wayne’s parents met.
EXT. SCHOOL PLAYGROUND - DAY
THOMAS WAYNE and MARTHA are running around playing with the other kids.
Thomas notices Martha for the first time.
YOUNG THOMAS WAYNE
Hi. My name is-
In the blink of an eye Superman squeezes Thomas’ stomach, making him instantly soil his pants in front of Martha.
Did you just poop your pants?
Thomas is humiliated. Martha and all the other kids start pointing and laughing at him. The two will never get married or have Bruce Wayne now.
Haha. Suck it, Bruce.
A TEACHER notices him standing on the playground.
Hey creep! Get away from those kids!
Superman flies back to present day where he has erased Batman from existence, but he’s no longer allowed to be around playgrounds or elementary schools.
Eh, that’ll work.
A CITIZEN walks by.
Hey have you heard of the Batman?
Get away from me.
EXT. DOG SHELTER - DAY
A bunch of abandoned dogs walk outside and see a stack of papers lying on the ground.
The dogs walk up and get a close look at the papers. The front reads BATMAN vs SUPERMAN SCRIPT.
DOG #1 (CONT’D)
The dog sniffs it and immediately begins throwing up.
DOG #1 (CONT’D)
5 other dogs run up to where DOG #1 is throwing up on the script and they start eating the script with the throw up.
Chomp chomp chomp.
The dogs all get a terrified look on their faces.
The dogs get instant terrible diarrhea that starts spraying out everywhere with little pieces of the script in it.
The diarrhea starts getting into the other dog’s mouths and they instantly start throwing up and also having diarrhea.
For the next 20 minutes an entire shelter full of dogs vomit and diarrhea out pieces of the Batman vs Superman script.
Eventually all the dogs gather enough strength to leave.
ENTER Shelter Cats
The cats take turns walking up and urinating on the awful mess. Some cough up dead animals they’d eaten earlier into the pile. This goes on for another 10-15 minutes.
The cats also end up passing out in the disgusting mess.
ENTER Guy with Broom.
GUY WITH BROOM
Looks like my work is cut out for me.
The guy with the broom starts whistling and sweeping the entire horrible pile of diarrhea, vomit, regurgitated animals, and cat urine into a nice, neat stack.
He pulls out a PRINTING PRESS and tosses the mess into it.
GUY WITH BROOM (CONT’D)
He walks over to the other side of the printing press and out pops a stack of papers.
He looks at the front and we see it’s labeled BATMAN VERSUS SUPERMAN script.
GUY WITH BROOM (CONT’D)
He looks into the camera, winks, and walks towards a sign that says WARNER BROS as “Party in the USA” starts playing loudly.