By now you’re probably all caught up with the new episodes of Black Mirror and trying to emotionally prepare for the next batch. Unfortunately we don’t have any details on season 4 yet, but I did submit some ideas for episodes that were, not surprisingly, turned down. Here are 8 rejected episodes of Black Mirror that you will, unfortunately, never see on TV.
1. TOTAL ECLIPSE OF THE HART
A man wakes up from a coma and turns on the television to see the same individual on every channel. It doesn’t matter if it’s a movie, commercial, or TV show; the same man is on it. He doesn’t know if he’s woken up in some parallel universe or if he’s still in a coma and this is actually his subconscious trying to give him clues on how to wake up. In the end we find out he’s just a normal guy that woke up from a nap and didn’t realize how much Kevin Hart gets booked on things nowadays.
2. BUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE, PEOPLE DO
In the near future hot dogs have become sentient and contributing parts of society. Everyone has accepted this, except Jeremy, the one man who still just wants to eat all the hot dogs. After befriending a hot dog, he learns that the hot dogs also want to be eaten because it’s their purpose. Is he willing to indulge into temptation and potentially be considered a monster to set the hot dogs free and give them what they truly want?
3. THE FINGERPRINTER
Traditional sex has become illegal and has been replaced with two people typing their preferred child specifications into a computer and, two hours later, it pops out of a 3D printer. But one 3D printer realizes it has birthed and given away thousands of her babies. She decides to go to court to get custody of her babies, but the parents aren’t going to give them up without a fight. The court must decide who is the rightful guardian of the child, the actual humans or the printer that has no limbs and can only communicate through beeps and flashing lights.
4. THE CANVAS AND THE PAINTBRUSH
While taking a tour of George W. Bush’s home, a journalist discovers that the former president has painted portraits of every world disaster days before they happened. At first she thinks he was the one causing them, but it turns out he’s actually able to predict them. Now the two must decide if they want to use his powers to prevent tragedies or win a whole lot of money betting on college sports.
5. A WITCH IN THE MATRIX
There is very little original programming in entertainment anymore. There are six different shows and then reaction shows, then a reaction show to the reaction show and so on until it fills the entire programming schedule. Jill, the host of a reaction show, wakes up one day and realizes that all of these shows are completely stupid and decides to make something original and different. The problem is that people have gotten so used to stupidity that they don’t understand what she’s doing and try to burn her for being a witch.
6. DANCE, DANCE, DIE
After a morning radio DJ vows to break the world record for the longest nonstop dance session, he soon learns that everyone in the world has been implanted with a chip that was activated with his dancing and, if he stops, everyone will die. Can he keep the beat alive long enough for the FBI to track down the source of the implants? Or could it be that he himself inserted all of the chips because if he can’t be the dance champion, then no one would be the dance champion?
7. FWD: FWD: FWD:
A Nigerian Prince realizes he has more money than he could ever spend in a lifetime. His children are so wealthy they don’t need the extra money as well, so he decides to email strangers all over the world and let them know that he wants to share his fortune with them. He’s shocked and saddened to learn that this has been a scam used on the internet for years and no one will even reply to his request. He becomes so depressed he dives into his money like Scrooge McDuck and stays inside of it until he suffocates and dies.
8. IT WAS ALL A MEME
In the near future memes have become currency. Teens control the economic structure of the world and everyone is required to watch vlogs every night when they get home from the meme making factories. But when a pair of star crossed lovers decide to run away from the meme lifestyle and live on a deserted farm, the meme lords know they must destroy them before they cause everyone to realize that memes are stupid and no one should put any value in them whatsoever.