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A Day in the Life of an Average Ghost

A Day in the Life of an Average Ghost: Mats Silvan / Getty Images

Mats Silvan / Getty Images

If horror movies and paranormal investigation shows have taught us anything, it’s that pretty much every ghost has the same daily routine. It doesn’t matter if they’re an evil ghost seeking vengeance or a sad ghost trying to reconnect with loved ones or good ghosts who don’t know they’re ghosts. They all do the same things at the same times of day.

MIDNIGHT: Don’t do anything, that is, unless it’s the anniversary of your untimely death.

1 AM: Slightly open a door. Not in a noticeable way. Just a little.

2 AM: Find some old ghost chains to rattle. No reason. Just shake some chains.

3 AM: Leave a locket on all your girlfriend’s pillows, for some reason.

4 AM: Say hi to the child that just moved into your house. Ignore the adults for now.

5 AM: Personal time! Try and find that bright light you didn’t walk into right after you died. Really regret that one.

8 AM: Only make sounds that could be confused with a gentle breeze. Maybe tap some wind chimes.

10 AM: Start to say hello to someone in the bathroom but get scared and run off after they close the mirror cabinet over the sink.

11 AM: Turn on a music box with a tiny ballerina figurine spinning inside of it.

NOON: Drain all the flashlight batteries so they’ll die after 45 seconds.

1 PM: Mess with a dog just enough to get him to growl, but then startle him so he yelps and runs off and scares everyone.

2 PM: Wait around in the bathroom hoping someone says your name three times into the mirror.

6 PM: Check the real estate listings to make sure your house is now priced incredibly low.

7 PM: Practice playing a children’s song on an old piano or organ.

8 PM: Just straight up howl for an hour while thinking about how your murder was never solved.

9 PM: Turn into a dust particle and float in front of a paranormal investigator’s camera.

10 PM: Whisper in such a low, slurred way that only slowing it down and editing it with a computer can make it comprehensible.

11 PM: Murder.

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