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A Stoner’s Guide to Valentine’s Day

A Stoner’s Guide to Valentine’s Day:

Girl, you got that sex weed
I just want to hit it all the time
Sex so good that it gets me high
Bring that home grown to me
Girl you got that fire weed
Light it up, let me take a puff
Of your sex weed
- R.Kelly, “Sex Weed”

Sex and weed are natural bedfellows, as R.Kelly’s lyrics make clear. While the morally-ambiguous Don Juan of R&B shouldn’t be consulted on most matters of sexual decorum, his understanding of this particularly harmonious relationship is relevant. Sex and weed share healing traits and therapeutic properties. They make people more chilled out and pleasure-sensitive. They help us connect with our feelings. They lift us up to the perfect state of mind for Valentine’s Day—ready to touch, taste and fall in love.

So whether you’re in a long-time 420-friendly relationship or looking to get lifted and laid with a cutie fresh off Tinder, here’s everything you need to make Valentine’s Day extra-special for your stoner bae.


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FORIA: WEED LUBE
Honor the V this V-Day. Weed lubes Foria is now being marketed as the first marijuana-infused lubricant designed for female pleasure. Inspired by the use of weed as an aphrodisiac throughout traditional cultures, Foria is natural sexual enhancer made from a blend of coconut and Cali-grown cannabis oil. It’s intended results include: eased muscle tension, awakened vaginal sensations, and fuller, easier to access orgasms. And unlike the dimestore lube you and your partner may or may not already be using, Foria is chemical-, pesticide-, sugar-, and gluten-free. It’s also vegan and never tested on animals.

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SPLIFFIN: EXPERIENCE THE DIFFERENCE
Spliffin makes some of the best weed concentrates and vape pens around. Derived only from high quality, pesticide-free weed strains through a solventless extraction process, Spliffin concentrates are pure, potent, and better for your health than traditional smoking and butane hash oils. Switch to Spliffin to ensure your hookup is never again interrupted by a smoker’s cough, or dismantled by spilt bong water. Spliffin concentrates are also rich in terpenes, the molecules that give marijuana its aromatic taste and smell, making for a rich sensory experience for your Valentine. Believe me, everyone prefers a fresh Tangerine or Lemon Haze mouth to stoners’ more common oral flavors…like burnt resin and grape blunt wrap.

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KIVA CONFECTIONS: A HIGHER CHOCOLATE EXPERIENCE
Nothing says Valentine’s Day like a box of chocolates. Nothing says let’s vibe out on each other this Valentine’s Day like a box of premium weed chocolates. Kiva Confections makes some of the most gourmet and high-end looking edibles around. Available in full size bars (do not eat them all at once!) and pocket-friendly bites, Kiva offers flavors like blackberry dark chocolate, vanilla chai milk chocolate, and mint Irish cream. As Cher emphasizes in “Clueless,” “anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good” when it comes to love and sex. Why smoke a joint before opening your holiday Godiva when you could just kill two birds with one stone?

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FRESH: CANNABIS
Fresh home and beauty products are known for their high-quality ingredients, delicious fragrances, and Instagram-worthy packaging. And while a lot of beauty experts love Fresh for its black-tea facial mask and super popular, sugar lip balms, what often goes less recognized is the company’s line of goodies made with stoner sweethearts in mind. Fresh products won’t get you high, but their cannabis-inspired goodies will add plenty of pleasure to your V-Day trysts. Try burning Fresh’s Cannabis Santal candle, a blend of patchouli, chocolate, and cannabis, to add an “air of intimacy and sensuality” to any room. You can also gift the same scent in a unisex perfume, or opt for the more floral and feminine Cannabis Rose variety. Smell good in order to feel good in order to fuck…good (or well). It’s easy.

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CHAKRUBS: WELCOME TO YOURSELF
Chakrubs is a line of 100% pure crystal sex toys made with the spirit in mind. Created by Vanessa Cuccia, who was mentored by the creator of the popular Spirit Science video series, Chakrubs are natural tools designed to inject intentionality, self-awareness, and divinity into average sex lives. Perhaps best used in long-term relationships or during solo sessions (not everyone has a Valentine, after all), Chakrubs combine the pleasure of a penis with the cleansing and strengthening powers of crystal therapy. They toys are intended to extract repressed emotions and create deep intimacy. Of course, Chakrubs are not explicitly related to weed-smoking, but post-Spliffin Chakrub experimentation seems like the perfect way to have an orgasm rooted in relaxed wellness on Love Day. And as more and more couples bring toys into their bedrooms, Chakrub’s smooth jade, onyx, and rose quartz offerings are much inviting (and organic) than their sex-shop counterparts–which might mean you and your partner get to try something new.

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PINK JOINTS: DOING JUST ENOUGH
Do you hate Valentine’s Day for its capitalist undertones? Do you want to avoid making your current partner think you’re more in L-O-V-E with him or her than you actually are? Are you broke and / or a minimalist? If so, a simple pink joint is just festive enough for you and your date. Express order these transparent pink papers and roll something good up for you and the boo this Saturday.

Whatever you do this Valentine’s Day, have fun. Whether that means yielding to the ideas above, getting stoned and going lingerie shopping, or baking a marijuana-infused cake together: keep it cute, keep it creative, and keep it kush-d.

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