If there’s one thing that audiences should know when they head into Jurassic World this weekend, it’s that something terrible is going to happen because of science. Science, as all good movies — such as those below — demonstrate, is the root of, if not all evil, then certainly the majority of it, and something that should be treated with suspicion at the best of times, if not downright contempt. Sure, science can do wonderful things for humanity in theory, but what if that theory doesn’t work out — as it almost certainly won’t? In case the thought of rampaging genetically modified dinosaurs doesn’t fill your heart with an illogical fear of the rational, watch the movies below to remind yourself just how dangerous science can be.
DR JEKYLL AND MR HYDE (1920)
How dangerous is science? Dangerous enough that it can literally turn you into someone else — someone far more charming and deadly than the real you! Of course, the real you was both smart enough to create a formula that allowed you to transform in such a way but dumb enough to drink that formula, so maybe it’s not that much of a loss.
THE FLY (1958)
How disgusting is science? Disgusting enough that a simple accident with a matter transporter can end up turning a mild-mannered scientist into a half-man, half-insect creature that looks ridiculous but can cause 1950s housewives to scream incoherently in horror. If science didn’t exist, none of this would have happened.
THE AMAZING TRANSPARENT MAN (1960)
How unlawful is science? Unlawful enough that the mere possibility of being able to turn men invisible leads to criminals seeking to use this power for nefarious ends, even if one man — who can, of course, turn himself invisible, because maybe you’ve seen the title of this movie — sets out to stop them no matter what. Must the authorities be this powerless?
INVASIONS OF THE BEE GIRLS (1973)
How amorous is science? That’s right — science can even twist something as natural as basic human attraction to another basic human into a terrifying ordeal, thanks to the creation of a race of insectoid bee women who literally love men to death. The 1970s turn out to be so much more horrific than we ever anticipated in this near-documentary of science perverting the power of love.
THE ISLAND OF DOCTOR MOREAU: DIRECTOR’S CUT (1977)
How old is science? Old enough to be the serpent at the heart of the classic 19th century novel by HG Wells adapted for this 1970s thriller starring Michael York — a man who knows full well how dangerous science can be, after escaping certain death at age 30 in an inhuman future when he went by the name of “Logan…”
How derivative is science? Why not ask Herbert West, the protagonist of this classic cult horror about a scientist who brings a dead colleague back from the dead. Sounds like something re-heated itself? It should — the movie is inspired by a H.P. Lovecraft novella written more than six decades earlier. Yes, even Lovecraft recognized the true terror made possible by science.
How confusing is science? To find out, look no further than this David Cronenberg thriller that tries to do for video games and virtual reality what Videodrome did for television (and, really, fails in a wonderfully entertaining way). Jude Law and Jennifer Jason Leigh lose track of what’s real and what isn’t, and thanks to confusing direction, unclear writing and, of course, science, you’ll know exactly what that feels like.
How divergent is science? Shane Carruth’s time travel tale explains all as the full possibilities of being able to go back in time are explored in detail. Are there more than one of each of us because someone invented time travel in our future and we just don’t know it yet? Maybe this is a secondary me from some point beyond the invention of time travel who’s writing these words. Science means you’ll never know for sure.
BIG ASS SPIDER! (2013)
How triggering is science? Maybe you should check with the arachnophobes who are already panicking at the very name of this movie. And do you know what’s responsible for turning an everyday spider into the big ass one of the title? That’s right: Greg Grunberg’s career. No, wait; I mean science.
I, FRANKENSTEIN (2014) How wasteful is science? One need only look at this modern-day B-movie that manages to star Bill Nighy, Aaron Eckhart and Chuck’s Yvonne Strahovski and yet not manage to take advantage of any of their talent to its full effect. That said, there’s no denying the visceral thrill of watching Eckhart as Frankenstein’s Monster fighting off demons as part of a theological war between heaven and hell. You know why? Because that kind of thing has nothing to do with science at all. Case closed.