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13 Made-up Conspiracy Theories That Could Almost Be True

13 Made-up Conspiracy Theories That Could Almost Be True: Photo credit: Time

Photo credit: Time

Is the moon made of cheese? Are mermaids just the offspring of people who have had sex with dolphins? Did JFK really kill Abraham Lincoln? Ok, those are a little far-fetched, but here are some imaginary conspiracy theories that almost sound convincing.

1. Single and Looking (for magazines)

The readership of Cosmo is single women, right? So Cosmo intentionally gives awful dating advice to keep their readership single, and buying Cosmo.

2. The conspiracy bait-and-switch

95% of conspiracy theorists are professional trolls paid by the U.S. government to muddy the waters and throw the general public off about what the real conspiracies are.

3. This would be the real Inception

How does Christian Bale transform his body from extremely skinny to superhero buff back to skinny in just months? It’s not diet and exercise. He has an emaciated twin brother he keeps hidden away who fills in for roles requiring a skinny Christian Bale. They each share one life. Christopher Nolan tried to hint at this in the documentary The Prestige.

4. Certainly would make the upcoming biopic a little different

Stephen Hawking has actually been a brain dead vegetable for years, ever since he lost his ability to speak. In reality, a team of discredited scientists use him as a mouthpiece for hypotheses that are too controversial to be presented by less renowned scientists.

5. I never believed his haircut was real anyway

There is no North Korea. The country isn’t real, and Kim Jong Un is an actor. First world nations secretly decided long ago that their citizens would be more compliant with their corporation-owned governments if they had a supremely negative human experience to compare to their own. So citizens of developed nations feel like their problems pale in comparison, and developed nations can use North Korea’s harmless threats to boost patriotism in their countries. I mean do YOU know anyone who’s been to North Korea? Oh I know what you’re thinking, North Korea heavily restricts visitors to their country. And where did you learn that piece of information? Your country’s media outlets? The ones that you already know are used by the government to spread the information they want you to hear? Right….

6. Red is the Devil’s color

Mormons don’t eat ketchup.

7. Could they also be behind the Fappening?

Kony 2012 was simply the U.S. Government testing social media users. They found that while millions of users are quick to mobilize on any issue, those users are even quicker to fall back in line the moment they get bored with something. Bonus conspiracy: They did this because they wanted to see how big the fallout would be once the NSA’s activities leaked. They knew it was only a matter of time, so they made sure it wouldn’t cause too much of a fuss.

8. And Joe Biden is their bodyguard

Delaware isn’t really a state, it’s just a made up place for people in witness protection programs to say they’re from.

9. Would explain where Snapchats go after 10 seconds

Selfies were made popular by the govt to help build the facial recognition database.

10. This one’s real. I’ve seen them misspell Jennifer

Starbucks spells people’s names wrong on purpose so they share it on social media thus creating free advertising.

11. But how did the dog learn to talk?

The secret recipe for Bush’s Baked Beans is actually golden retriever meat. That’s why the dog wants to reveal the recipe, but that guy in the polo always stops him.

12. It does seem like they take an excessive amount of blood

So, when you go into the red cross to give blood there’s usually a very good amount of people in there also giving blood. Like it’s pretty packed. I know personally, maybe one person who has been in a bad enough accident that would require a blood transfusion… Odd isn’t it? There are always people giving blood and the Red Cross says they never ever ‘have enough’… VAMPIRES. So around the late 1800s, vampires began to notice that technology was far outpacing their ability to remain hidden amongst the population. They began to get scared that soon the non-dead human race would have enough power to exterminate the vampires for eternity. So in 1881, the vampires of the US got together and decided to create “The Red Cross”. Pretty ingenious, the name is pretty damn innocuous. Who in their right mind would think a name with a 'cross’ in it (a weakness of vampires) would be a front for a vampire organization. The Vampires, possessing the foresight and planning that comes hand-in-hand with being ageless, saw that they needed to establish an organization that, at some point later on down the line, could gather blood donations in the name of 'humanitarian aid’ without seeming suspect. LO AND BEHOLD, in 1940, the USA established a nationwide blood collection program, led by OH YOU GUESSED IT: The Red Cross.

13. I can’t think of a reason not to believe this

Bubble wrap is filled with tiny amounts of nitrous oxide, which is why it’s so pleasurable to pop. This is also why it has warnings that pregnant women should not pop it. It’s true - look it up!

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