Depending on whom you ask, the United States of America is either on the verge of a new Golden Age or a spiral so gnarly you’ll soon consider Idiocracy a template for better times. Following Super Tuesday, when most states went for Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, the citizens of this country started plotting tracks for the north.
Simon Rogers, a data editor at Google, pointed it out.
Searches for “how can I move to Canada” on Google have spiked +350% in the past four hours #SuperTuesday— Simon Rogers (@smfrogers) March 2, 2016
But how it kept rising makes me think this isn’t just the old saying that Americans like to throw around during problematic moments of elections they feel have become increasingly bizarre parades of manic lunacy.
Here’s what the panic button looked like on Super Tuesday as results poured in.
Now, I, for one, love Canada. It’s a point I’ve made several times, from Wyatt Scott making a campaign video where he shoots lasers out of his eyes to Canada announcing its intentions to become the first G7 nation to legalize weed. I don’t understand the whole “I’m moving to Canada” as a threat thing at all. To me, that’s like saying, “So help me, if you come home late again, I’m eating fluffy Nutella-stuffed pancakes for breakfast and skydiving afterward.”
Canada is awesome. And any way you cut it, this house party of America, with its plentiful spread of Doritos and Budweiser, is on fire. I don’t care who you’re voting for, this election has been bonkers.
As the flames eat away at the structural integrity of what was once a beloved estate with landscaped gardens, you’re looking at the neighbor’s house, with everyone cozily watching a movie inside, and then looking back at your house where Donald Trump is pouring gasoline on the veranda, and you’re thinking, “Can I really leave my friends and family?”
Now is the time to start saying your goodbyes. Come November, that border’s going to look like an evacuation scene in a disaster flick. By the way, if you don’t think people are serious, there’s this.