Since every day brings Donald Trump further away from the presidency, it only makes sense that he would start deflecting attention from his failure and announce that he’s starting his own television network. Obviously it’ll be his own, ridiculous lineup of programming, but it’s much more absurd than you’d even imagine. We actually got an early copy of the primetime programming list and it is certainly something else. At least there are no Big Bang Theory reruns, am I right?

Sunday

7:00 – 8:00: You’ve Got Mail (Benghazi Edition)
8:00 – 9:00: Everybody Hates Chris Christie
9:00 – 10:00: Barely Legal Latinos (Still Getting Deported)

Monday

7:00 – 8:00: The Perks of Building a Wall
8:00 – 9:00: The Sixth Pence
9:00 – 10:00: Modern Family (Without the Gays)

Tuesday

7:00 – 8:00: Stranger Things (Like Where Is Obama’s Birth Certificate??)
8:00 – 9:00: CSI: Russia, or Thereabouts
9:00 – 10:00: Ash vs Evil Muslims

Wednesday

7:00 – 8:00: The Best of Celebrity Apprentice
8:00 – 9:00: Cruz Clues
9:00 – 10:00: Soon to Be Teen Moms

Thursday

7:00 – 8:00: 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter
8:00 – 9:00: Hope Gropes
9:00 – 10:00: Naked and Afraid: The Story of the Miss Teen USA Pageant

Friday

7:00 – 8:00: Tales from the Crypt, with Ann Coulter
8:00 – 9:00: How to Lose Your Taxes For 18 Years
9:00 – 10:00: Idle Hands (That Are Totally The Normal Size)

Saturday

7:00 – 8:00: Little Women (Who Aren’t Allowed to Vote)
8:00 – 9:00: J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings
9:00 – 10:00: Melania Trump’s Lord of the Rings