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“This makes me wish I had a prostate”: The Aneros Helix Syn Massager, Reviewed

“This makes me wish I had a prostate”: The Aneros Helix Syn Massager, Reviewed:

Hop into The Test Bed, a bi-weekly series where couples try out high-tech sex toys—curated by pleasure marketplace My Secret Luxury—and then discuss what happened over G-chat. This week’s toy: the Aneros Helix Syn Prostate Massager, which Roman, a photographer, and Miranda, an artist, tried out this summer, about a week before they ended up breaking up. (Not because of the toy, though!)

“Similar to the woman’s G-spot, when the prostate is stimulated, orgasms are more intense and much bigger,” explains My Secret Luxury’s Stacy Rybchin. “Simply put: Men shouldn’t be afraid. This toy even has a thick layer of super soft silicone a tapered tip for easier insertion.” (There’s also a tab to massage the perineum. Whoa.)

Rybchin advises that users go slow, apply lube, relax and have fun, which Roman and Miranda (sort of) complied with. Let’s hear what they had to say.

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

MIRANDA: Ok, hood rat. Let’s talk about that sex toy. Be honest. Do you think this toy was the cause of our break up?

ROMAN:: What? No. Lol…

MIRANDA: Haha. Just kidding, duh. Anyhow, I was kinda pumped when it showed up.

ROMAN:: Yeah, I know.

MIRANDA: The packaging seemed innocuous for a sex toy. It wasn’t overly aligned with any gender or sexual preference… Or was that just me?

ROMAN:: Well, there was that knob at the base that pressed in between your ass and your balls so… I dunno, I thought it was intended for a male, you feel me? Also, it’s black and red. Those are kind of manly colors.

MIRANDA: I guess it does seem like it’s more geared toward masturbation for dudes. But, OBVI I wasn’t gonna let that happen solo on my clock.

IN THE ACT

MIRANDA: Were you wanting to try it on yourself or on me? Sometimes you’re into butt stuff, and sometimes you’re like, “Get your finger out of my ass.”

ROMAN:: Haha. I was open to either. I wasn’t afraid or anything. I was just like, “Ok, let’s do it. Fuck it.”

MIRANDA: We used it a few different times, but I thought it was hottest when you used it on yourself. We were fucking, and then when we started getting faster and rougher. You reached for it and put it in yourself.

ROMAN:: Oh yeah…

MIRANDA: I liked it, cause it felt like you were into it, and you were fucking me with more urgency.

ROMAN: Ahaha. That was cool. I enjoyed that.

MIRANDA: We also used it while I was sucking your dick once. I think, to be totally honest, I’d rather just use my hands if were gonna put anything in your butt. It seemed like I couldn’t tell if I was doing it right or not.

ROMAN:: Yeah, I wasn’t that into using it one you. During sex, that is. Maybe for oral would be ok.

MIRANDA: I wished it were slightly bigger. Also that knob thing wasn’t really purposeful in the prostate sense here.

ROMAN:: Obviously.

FINAL VERDICT

MIRANDA: So, you liked it, then? It didn’t feel like too much?

ROMAN:: That thing was definitely the deepest I ever put in.

MIRANDA: Yeah. I remember we had to take it kinda slow. I prolly should have spit on it more or used lube. What am I, a sadist?

ROMAN:: Lol.

MIRANDA: I think you used lube when you did it to yourself. Probably made a big difference.

ROMAN:: I didn’t actually.

MIRANDA: Whoa!!! Very surprised. I think we should try it again on you. I don’t think we experimented enough. Also, this makes me wish I had a prostate.

ROMAN:: Why? It can get enlarged. And cancer and all that.

MIRANDA: I just want to know how it feels. Just like how you’re always wishing, just once, you could know what it was like to menstruate. You know how you’re always saying that?

ROMAN::
uhhh…

MIRANDA: Wink wink.

ROMAN: THIS INTERVIEW IS OVER!


Test bed couples previously reviewed the Je Joue Mio Cock Ring, Lelo Hula Beads, and the Stronic Eins Pulsator.


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