With the shameless photo hacks of super hot celebrities like Kate Upton, Jennifer Lawrence, and Justin Verlander, internet security is more important than ever. But never fear, these 15 tips will have your nudies safer than they’ve ever been before.

  1. Install advanced encryption software on your phone.

  2. Disable iCloud and change your password every month.

  3. Be super ugly.

  4. Use an actual camera as a camera instead of a phone as a camera.

  5. Be a cat. (Your nudes are already out there.)

  6. Have a third or fourth nipple.

  7. Invent a time machine and go back to 1988 and take grainy Polaroid nudes.

  8. Be not famous.

  9. Be a dude in general. (Nobody wants to see us naked.)

  10. Be super old, not because people don’t want to see old people naked, but because you probably don’t know how to use a phone because you’re super old and super old people are dumb.

  11. Don’t take nudes.

  12. Totally kidding about #11, what a stupid idea.

  13. Take and send “imagination selfies.”

  14. Be obese but not comically obese.

  15. Send your nudes to mattshirley@sendmattnudies.geocities.org. I will inspect them carefully and then send them back to you with super-advanced anti-hacking security technology!


Matt is a Senior Editor at Playboy. Follow him on Twitter: @mattsurely