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Ashley Madison Expects 500% Spike Today Because You Forgot to Buy a Mother’s Day Gift

Ashley Madison Expects 500% Spike Today Because You Forgot to Buy a Mother’s Day Gift: This joke is old, but I don't care (photo courtesy of MySpace).

This joke is old, but I don't care (photo courtesy of MySpace).

Ashley Madison, the online dating site specifically designed for cheaters, is expecting a 500 percent spike in signups from women today. Why? Because it’s the day after Mother’s Day, and moms across the country are really pissed about not getting flowers.

The New York Post claims there was a 442 percent increase in sign-ups on the same day last year, continuing an upward trend that began in 2010. The Post also featured the first-hand account of Ann, a 42-year-old finance worker from Bergen County, NJ, who decided to cheat after her husband gave her an underwhelming Mother’s Day gift.

“The whole run-up to Mother’s Day had been depressing,” Ann said in the interview. “It made me feel old, like I was losing my sexiness.”

You’re 42, lady. You are old, and you are losing your sexiness, just like everyone else at that age. That said, that’s no reason for your husband not to buy you a nice gift. After all, I doubt he’s looking like Channing Tatum these days.

“Opening the Mother’s Day card last year from my husband, Derek [whose name has been changed], my heart sank,” she said. “He hadn’t even thought to buy me flowers, let alone jewelry.”

Anyone who is too stupid to buy a $20 bouquet of flowers for his wife on Mother’s Day is just asking for trouble. That said, this whole story smells like it might have been concocted for Ashley Madison by The Post’s Integrated Marketing department. Either way, better safe than sorry. Buy some jewelry next year, and remind your dad to do the same.

(H/T: The New York Post)

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