Q: My girlfriend has this weird habit of reusing her Halloween costumes (that are basically like lingerie anyway) while we role-play in bed. For her, already having this internal story of her alter ego and the fact that she’s worn the outfit outside of the house really gets her hot. But for me, all I can think about is where we were and what we were doing the last time she wore that outfit. For example, she has this really cute Little Red Riding Hood number that reminds me of the Halloween we spent at home giving out candy with our friends, or her sailor suit that reminds me of this weird vegan restaurant party we went to where the owner force-fed her tzatziki and Sambuca all night. I’m at a loss. Is there any way I’ll ever enjoy sex again?!

A: Here’s the truth: any woman over 18 still dressing up in a slutty Halloween costume has a serious need for sexual validation and approval. Knowing this, I think you could assuage some of her anxiety by making your lust a little more obvious. Her dressing up should be a cue to you that she isn’t feeling hot enough without the getup. Listen to me, dude; the costume isn’t for her, it’s for you! I doubt she’s dressed in a crotchless Catwoman number when she’s alone with her vibrator. So if you aren’t into the whole naughty nun look, voice your opinion and maybe suggest something else. My husband is borderline draconian in the bedroom when it comes to what I wear. If I pick out a bra he isn’t into, he literally makes me go back to my closet and change. And though this sometimes makes me want to beat him over the head with his own dick, I’m grateful for his honesty. Women want to feel desired and like their overall look is making you crazy. I would personally be mortified to learn that the guy I was sleeping with was phoning in his enthusiasm in some misguided attempt to protect my feelings. I suggest you take the reigns on this thing and do what I do when I hate clothes my significant other thinks look cute: give them to Goodwill.

Jenny Mollen is a writer, actress and all-around gorgeous sassy badass who lives in L.A. with her dog Teets and husband Jason Biggs. She writes about her life on TheSmokingJacket.com in her highly popular column What She Said. Follow her on Twitter at @JennyAndTeets and on Instagram at JennyAndTeets2.