The internet is a place where stupid things are born. Admit it. Not a day goes by where something insignificant suddenly becomes a viral story shared by friends and/or computer-literant moms.
In keeping with tradition, a brand spankin’ new hipster-conceived beverage is hitting the trendiest of of independent cafes worldwide. This trend, which I’m intentionally taking forever to mention by name because I want to build tension, is the “avolatte.” That is, a latte served in an flimsy avocado shell. This swampy monstrocity has become such an unexpected craze that it has even managed to offend the Merriam Webster.
Word We’re Not Watching: avolatte.— Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster) May 20, 2017
“We weren’t actually selling them but then someone came in today and wanted one,” the barista who is responsible for the atrocity, at Melbourne-based Truman Cafe, explained to News.com.au. “It was actually just a joke,” he explained. “I think it’s ridiculous. It’s literally coffee in a piece of rubbish.”
Staff at Truman Cafe created the latte in satirical response to the real-estate tycoon who, last week, argued that today’s youth can’t afford houses because they spend all of their money on “$19 avocado toast and $4 lattes”. The realtor’s tone deaf response became such a news item, that Time–yes, legitimate news source Time– created a “How much avocado toast would you have to give up to buy a home?” calulator. For those curious: To purchase a median valued home in the U.S. you’d have to skip out on 4,900 deliciously creamy avocado toasts. Which is blasphemy.
Yes, it’s true. Something clearly intended as a joke has somehow caught on among influential bloggers and savvy internet consumers to build enough buzz that it’s now a legitimate menu item–one that I’m willing to wager is criminally overpriced.
Cafes, hoping to cash in on this, have more or less “borrowed” from the trend. Evidence below.
The avolatte, which is often described as “chunky”, “flimsy” and “difficult” among early adopters, is just the latest of too many avocado trends in 2017. The avolatte follows an unfortunate injury to recently make headlines known as “avocado hand”. The affliction is the result of slicing an avocado a little too forcibly and cutting your hand open.
Apparently, enough people have been afflicted that doctors have requested avocados come adorned with safety labels warning people to not be idiots (more or less). This, in addition to almost every conceivable article of clothing brandishing an illustrated avocado on shelves, is latest guest at an overcrowded party.
Avocados are OK, I guess. But these other creations? No thanks. I’m good.