You know the scene because it’s the same one that happens every year. You wake up on New Year’s Day and feel like you’re Ronda Rousey and you just got knocked the F out by Holly Holm. Except you don’t look anywhere near as pretty as either of those ladies. It is, to put it mildly, the hangover from hell. You go through all the usual steps: swearing you will stop drinking in 2016, injecting cocounut water into your bloodstream via an IV, wondering why the hell we haven’t figured out time travel yet so you can fast forward to a time where you aren’t hungover.
None of those things work. At this level of banged up, nothing really works. So don’t even try and fight it. You’re better off sitting on the couch all day and watching bowl games or some TV marathon. It’s not like you have somewhere else to be. All your friends are in the exact same boat. And there is no item of clothing that better symbolizes indulging a hangover than a pair of slippers. They make a statement that you aren’t even going to attempt to leave the house. Also, they are ridiculously comfortable.
So while you’re regretting that last Fireball shot and other New Year’s Eve decisions, make sure to do so in a pair of these cozy slippers.
1. ARMOR LUX
These slippers are handmade at a family-owned factory in Brittany, France and feature the navy nautical stripes Breton clothing is known for. Buy them a tad small, because the shearling lining will break in and the slippers will stretch to mold to your feet perfectly.
These are full-on Master of the Universe slippers. Because kicking your feet up and surveying all that you have is better when those feet are covered in crocodile skin slippers that are lined with kangaroo fur.
3. KAUFMANN MERCANTILE
The leather goods maker who created these house shoes based them on a pattern from the Civil War when women were encouraged to use leftover materials to make slippers for wounded soldiers. There is no right or left, as the shoes naturally mold to your individual feet over time.
4. THE NORTH FACE
The Thermoball Traction Mule II is a fancy name for these slippers that are like down jackets for your feet. A synthetic down is used to insulate the shoes and your feet rest inside of a comfortable fleece-lined shell. They even have durable rubber soles so you can wear them outside if you need to take out the garbage or walk the dog.
Quoddy has been making shoes by hand in Maine for generations. These moccasins feature grizzly leather uppers that are lined with incredibly soft deerskin leather. You can select the color of all the leathers and they can be resoled over and over again, so these could be the last slippers you ever buy.
Get past the idea that Uggs are only for basic women in trucker hats because the Australian company actually makes some legit footwear. These Ascot slippers are a great example. Lined in wool with a full-grain leather upper, you could probably wear these to work in a pinch.
With minimal lines, these room shoes from Japanese brand Morihata will help instill a zen calm over you (which is necessary after a New Year’s bender). They utilize a lightweight fabric upper and the sole has a suede-like feel.
8. DEL TORO x ROB PRUITT
Del Toro collaborated with Rob Pruitt to create these suede house slippers that feature Pruitt’s iconic panda design. The limited edition slippers have a soft leather sole and come with their own storage bag.