Southern California might have the most fashionable criminals. The burglars lurking around our nation’s sunny West Coast don’t always adhere to the whole “wear black” angle or that “commit crimes at night for greater effectiveness” thing. Nope, out here, we try to look like we’re forever on our way to some hip outdoor cafe and the summertime heat just makes some folk weird, crazy, or bored. Enter your new favorite crook, the “Bikini Bandit.”

Seen entering homes around the 28000 block of West Avenue C6 in Santa Clarita last week, the unidentified bikini-clad woman is still at large. Her outfit raises a million questions. Was she just looking for shade? Maybe A/C? Was she drunk and partying? Did she decide to rob people on a whim after a pool party? Has she been planning this for months and this was the most non-thief outfit? Did she wear the bikini because she knew it would distract any straight man she was caught by?

Shoot, that last one’s possible. Hell, even the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department’s description—with a slight adjustment in tone—could pass as a missed connection: “You, a woman in her 30s with long brown hair, roughly 5’5”, skulking around in a two-piece bathing suit to find a way to break and enter into…my heart. Me, a cop.”

I’ve lived in Southern California my whole life, so this “Bikini Bandi” story isn’t toooootally surprising to me. It just snags my curiosity harder than a new taco joint in town. I want to know why, but we’ll probably never know. I mean, SoCal’s been lashed with way over 100-degree temperatures this month, so maybe she thought it was her house…which would be the perfect cover! Alright, I’m back on the case.

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