Our society is obsessed with celebrities. The 21st century isn’t making it any better. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and any number of Social Media sites provide ample opportunities to share encounters with famous people. However millions of dollars and untold adoration from fans does not yield the most humble and down-to-earth people. From the silly to the downright insane, here’s a list of our favorite celebrity encounters.
Bill Murray once walked up to me carrying a bucket, he pulled a water balloon out of the bucket and threw it at me. After I wiped the water out of my eyes he said, “Nobody will believe you,” and walked away.
A buddy of mine was having a smoke outside a bar near Detroit, when Bruce Campbell strolls by. It’s a little after 1 am and he’s wearing ray ban shades. One of his friends sheepishly asks, “Excuse me, are you Bruce Campbell?” Bruce stops, tips his sunglasses, and responds with, “Well, someone’s gotta be.”
I met R. Kelly at a McDonalds in downtown Chicago. I said, “Hey Kelly, how’s it going?” totally forgetting his rape case winding down and the verdict was coming back in a few days. I quickly threw a “Good luck this week, man,” and he said, “Thanks,” and shook my hand.
Ted McGinley once hugged me from behind because he thought I was somebody else.
One day I walked into our corner convenience store and I completely spaced about why I came in there. I stood just inside the door trying to remember what I came for when I hear the bell on the door jingle and I turn around and see Willem Dafoe standing behind me. It was a small store and he thought I was standing in line at the counter so I politely told him to go ahead of me because I have no idea what I needed. He steps in front of me, stops, and says, “Dammit, now I can’t remember either.” After a few seconds he snaps his fingers, reaches up on shelf and pulls down about five packs of condoms and giddily throws them on the clerk’s counter. After he pays, on his way out the door he turns around to me and says, “It’s gonna be a big night!“
My mom met Frank Zappa, and he ate a salad with his hands.
My older brother was at a bar in LA during the night of one of the huge award shows. When he was reaching for his beer Amanda Seyfried took it and walked out of the bar without looking back. The guy next to him patted him on the back and offered a drink on him. It was Tom Hanks.
Years ago, I’m with some friends at this shitty bar in New Orleans. A friend of a friend is playing an acoustic show, and we’re the only ones in the bar. Out of nowhere, this giant crowd comes into the bar, and out of nowhere, Nic Cage emerges. He falls to his knees, and starts doing this weird dance thing. It looked like the pic of Hendrix when he lit the guitar on fire. He does this for a very short amount of time, then he hops up, goes, "Woooohooo,” and saunters out the bar.
My grandparents were in Girona, Spain a very long time ago when they met a strange man wearing a bowl of fruit on his head. They chatted for awhile and then parted ways. As they were walking off they turned to their guide and said, “Aldolfo, did you see that lunatic?” Aldolfo looked shocked and replied, “That was Señor Salvador Dali, he a very great man so please do not insult.”
I once had to throw Pauly Shore out of a strip club because he was snorting cocaine off of his table.
I ran into Ann Coulter at LAX. I introduced myself and told her that I thought that Bill Clinton was a reasonable person, just perhaps with a different perspective on how to improve the country. She told me to fuck off.
I spent an evening with Elijah Wood in a hot tub. We argued about smoking laws. He made out with a girl who thought he was Toby McGuire but kept calling him Toby Keith. We hugged before he left and our bare chests touched.
I went to the bathroom and was doing my thing, when all of a sudden Lil Wayne and 3 bodyguards bust through the door. Weezy walks right up next to me, and for some reason my 15 year-old self thought it would be a great idea to say, “Lil Wayne, big wang.” Well, this made him laugh quite hard and his stream was thrown off. As he walked out, he said, “You’re alright, kid.”
Not technically me, but my friend John was playing golf with Arnold Schwarzenegger (my friend is Arnold’s lawyer’s son). Arnold was about to tee off. Arnold lines up for his drive and says, “So… John, when was your first blow job?” My friend nervously replies, “Uh… seventeen,” to which Arnold grins, winds up for his shot, and ask, “How did it taste?” He then took a massive cut at the ball only to shank it to the right.
I worked at Blockbuster video a few years ago, and I got to tell Al Gore that he owed us 1.50 because he returned I Love You, Man late.
I walked up to him and said, “Hey are you Danny Glover?” He looked up and said, “Yeah.” I then looked him in the eye and said, “You’ve got an angel with you right now,” and flapped my arms while facing him and walking away backwards.
Got into a cab and the driver immediately started telling me his last fare had been Ralph Fiennes. Apparently RF noticed the pictures of his son on the dash and driver admitted his son was a massive fan of Harry Potter, so Ralph offers to give him a call. So the guy calls his son and says, “I’ve got someone very special here who wants to talk to you.” Ralph takes the phone and goes straight in, full Voldemort voice, with, “So I hear you think you’re a strong enough wizard to defeat me?” Apparently for the next few minutes all the cabby can hear is lots of tough talk and then a lot of shouting “Expelliarmus!” “You’ll never defeat me!” and then a very convincing death gargle. Ralph passes the phone back, signs a bit of paper, which the cabby showed us. “To George, The greatest wizard I have ever dueled.”
Lou Diamond Phillips tried to buy weed from me at a pool hall.
My friend was a taxi driver and GG Alin shit in his cab.
Kevin Spacey took my mother out the night they met and he hit on my brother a lot. He got her so stoned and wasted that she threw up in the gutter.