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This Is What Happens When a Black Man Tries to Fit 20 White Girl Stereotypes in a Day

I, a black man, searched Twitter for phrases like “Stereotypical White Girl” or “#CommonWhiteGirl” and selected 20 of the results, then embarked on a one day journey to indulge in all of those clichés. Here’s what my experience was like.

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1. Wear yoga pants.

Since I’m a dude and haven’t seen an abundance of men’s yoga pants lying around, I decided to wear long compression pants. They’re basically full leg length spandex and if yoga pants are anywhere near as comfortable, I get it. I wore them for approximately 2 hours, some of that time was in public, while going for a jog and while performing this next stereotype…

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2. Get Starbucks.

This is something I already do every single day. I have a Rewards Gold Card which is something reserved for the addicts who find themselves inside of a Starbucks entirely too often. I drank a Venti Iced Black Tea in my makeshift yoga pants, and got a lot of strange glares, curious glances, and dare I say, a few lustful gazes.

3. Eat Chipotle.

Again, this task is quite simple. How a specific group got delicious burritos as one of their stereotypes is beyond me, as most others aren’t #blessed enough to have pigeonholes that include barbacoa.

4. Say #blessed.

I used the hashtag in the previous point, and that was likely my first and last time. I even spoke the phrase out loud, then immediately giggled and covered my mouth like I’d just said something naughty.

5. Instagram a photo of something you’re eating or drinking.

I decided to capture my gorgeous Chipotle burrito carefully positioned alongside my 92% gone, mostly ice Starbucks cup, and run it through an X-Pro II filter before sharing with my Instagram followers. I was actually called out within 14 seconds, as a friend left the comment: “Seriously??

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6. Delete an Instagram photo if the like-to-minutes posted ratio isn’t on point.

I saw people saying that if a post isn’t getting lots of likes after so long, white girls hit the panic button. This doesn’t seem like a white girl stereotype, so much as a self-conscious person type thing, but my Chipotle + Starbucks shot had a measly 2 ‘likes’ after 15 minutes, so I had to delete it. Sure, it could’ve been a slow burner that wound up with 40+ likes, but not on this day of stereotype fulfillment.

7. Shop at Forever 21.

To my surprise, the Forever 21 I went to had some guy stuff. I thought it was a store strictly for women’s apparel, but today was my lucky day. However, I did get some curious looks. Now I’m only kind of sure my purchase was a product created for men. If not, I own a stylish tonal-patterned, ladies crew neck sweater.

8. Nutella.

I bought some Nutella and I wasn’t sure exactly how I was going to eat it, until…

9. Use Pinterest.

Pinterest basically looks like the internet engulfed an arts and crafts store. I was thoroughly impressed by some of the DIY ideas, dream wedding concepts, beautiful cityscape photographs, and even the pictures of some random strangers’ adorable babies. About 45 minutes into my Pinterest escapade, I discovered some brilliant, brave scientist had combined Nutella with popcorn. Dip a finger in the Nutella, pick up a piece of popcorn and voila – sweet, meet salty.

10. Get the newest iPhone.

I don’t know, so far I’ve dressed comfortably, eaten a delicious meal, tasted an innovative snack, and generally enjoyed myself. Now I’m reserving a fantastic piece of technology? These aren’t even stereotypes, they’re just an awesome life checklist.

11. Read The Fault In Our Stars.

Obviously it’d be difficult to finish the entire book in a day, so I decided to read the plot as described in The Fault In Our Stars’ Wikipedia. I know, I may’ve spoiled both the book and film in the process, but I don’t think I’m emotionally stable enough to read or watch the full-length products, as it truly sounds like it’d do a number on my feels.

12. Enjoy Pumpkin flavored stuff.

I know a pumpkin spice latte is the obvious choice here, but instead I got multiple pumpkin beers. I get why fall products are so beloved, especially 5.6% alcohol ones.

13. Watch Pretty Little Liars.

I’ve dabbled before, and after giving it a couple* more episodes I concluded that Ashley Benson is lovely, and if I had a blackmailing stalker like these gals, the only dirt they’d have on me is that I’ve watched multiple episodes of PLL, and felt comfortable enough afterwards to start calling Pretty Little Liars, PLL.

*Seven. I watched seven episodes.

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14. Misquote Marilyn Monroe.

Here goes nothing:

I just want to drink wine, not wear pants, and find a lover who feeds me pizza and grabs my butt. – Marilyn Monroe

I posted it on Facebook and got 33 likes and 7 comments, four of which were an actual debate on the quote’s authenticity.

15. Do the Cupid Shuffle.

I pulled the song up on YouTube and performed it in my living room. I’ve got to say, it feels great to go to the right, to the right, to the right, to the right, then to the left, and so on, and so forth. They say smiling even when you’re not necessarily in the mood to can make you feel happier, but surely listening to/doing the Cupid Shuffle works wonders as well.

16. Quote Mean Girls.

I want my pink shirt back!” Ah, that felt good.

17. Listen to some Taylor Swift.

I think I like Taylor, and it’s not just the leftover pity from Kanye interrupting her 5 years ago talking. Aside from seeming like an incredibly fun, kind, fan-friendly person, her songs are all catchy. She also finds a way to throw stones, but in an adorably nonchalant fashion. In one song I listened to called “Better Than Revenge” she’s all, “She’s an actress, whoa, she’s better known for the things that she does on the mattress.” Basically she’s calling someone a D-list skank, but in a super casual way.

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18. Use Tumblr.

Initially I was excited to do this, but I hadn’t logged into Tumblr in so long that I forgot my username and password. It was a huge hassle and by the time I was granted access, I had little desire to watch a bunch of GIFs and stolen/uncredited works with hundreds of thousands of like/reblog notes.

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19. Do the hand on the hip, leaning back while one leg is bent and partway sticking out pose.

I tried standing in this classic pose, but in a room alone with no photo being taken, it felt unbearably weird to maintain for longer than 6 seconds. I regret it, even though I was slaying and probably looked pretty fierce.

20. Eat brunch.

Look, folks, performing all these other tasks took a while so it’s 10:34pm, which technically isn’t brunch time – but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to destroy some Eggs Benedict.

In closing, I think the only thing discovered here is that we’re all at least a little bit of a “stereotypical white girl” inside at any given time. Find comfort in the fact that if any of these nonsense, labels being thrown around are true, I’m literally a white girl trapped in a straight, black male’s body. Oh, bonus stereotype? Heavy use of the word, literally.

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