It sucks to be a bouncer. It just has to, given a job description that’s essentially “tell drunks on the loose they can’t have they want.” I mean, seriously, consider what percentage of boozehounds immediately get pissed about their dwindling access to fun, factor in their brains being so flooded with cocktail gutter water that processing the basic concept of cause and effect is shot until morning, and then top it all off with the fact that half of everyone outside a bar sounds like they’re speaking in tongues or riddles. How are bouncers not making star athlete money?