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Canada is Running for President of the United States, and I Want to Vote for It

I have always adored Canada. I first loved it as a kid when I found out that’s where John Candy was from, and I first loved it as an adult when they one time let my friends and me trade a half-full bottle of whiskey for fuel at a gas station. And now Canada—that magnificent empathy-embracin’, clean air-breathin’, highway-grubbin’, lakeside-hangin’, ski slope-bargin’, polar bear-fearin’ promised land—is running for President of the United States!

That’s right. Canada, our northern neighbor who thinks our country’s in flames, is throwing its hat into the presidential ring, which, honestly, kind of makes sense this year. Let’s face it, this year’s race has felt like more anarchy than ever. Whether a candidate is too far up his/her own butt or too far into some political fantasyscape, it’s time to look elsewhere.

As the (sassily URL’d) campaign site for The Canada Party (americabutbetter.com) puts it, Canada recognizes the troubles of our fine nation.

As the American election increasingly resembles a production of CATS performed by actual cats, U.S. citizens are looking for a new leader. That leader is Canada, and they want your vote for President of the United States.

That means we get roughly 35 million of the politest people east, west, north, or south of the river you name as reference. And they even come with the perfect slogan!

Devoted to restoring America to its former glory, the Canada Party will soon have the whole world chanting, “Yes We Canada.”

Canada as a candidate is the brainchid of, and represented by, actor-producer Brian Calvert (seen in the video) and writer Chris Cannon. Like many U.S. presidential candidates, this isn’t the first time it’s run. It went for the gold back in 2012.

O, Canada…

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