The Fourth Day of Christmas: The Cars that Scrooge Would Drive

By Michael Lockhart

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Ebenezer Scrooge not only holds the record for worst employer but also has a number of questionable lifestyle choices: his taste in dwellings—cold, dark, grotto-less; women—nonexistent; and friends—a trio of time-disoriented ghosts. We’re not even going to mention his nightlife choices.

However, if he were alive today, we believe there is one area where we could find common ground: the cars Scrooge would drive.

We’ve put together a list of our favorite beasts of the road that we’re sure would surpass the luxury standards on any Dickens wish list. Even though some may argue Scrooge’s preference for buying cheap may extend to cars, we’d bet our holiday turkey that Scrooge would not be eyeing a Prius.2013 Rolls-Royce Phantom Extended Wheelbase

It wouldn’t be fair to begin our list with anything but a Rolls-Royce Phantom Series II, revamped along with its brethren of Sedan, Coupe, and Drophead Coupe (link). We’re fairly confident that Scrooge himself would only be interested in the model with the most grandeur and price tag bragging rights: the $475,000-plus Extended Wheelbase variant. Easily venturing north of the $500K mark with options, Scrooge’s would be glossy black with customized dark tinted windows to keep prying eyes out of the backseat…though it’s not likely a Playmate might be hiding back there.

Price: $475,295 MSRP Engine: 6.7-liter V12 Power: 453 HP Torque: 531 lb.-ft.2012 Maybach 57 S

If Scrooge went out today to pick up one of these legacy vehicles, he would be sure to hit a roadblock with Daimler’s (The Maybach-Mercedes parent) decision to drop the brand due to the emission-minded fools who clearly don’t share Scrooge’s enthusiasm for a nice turbo 12-cylinder smoking up the inner mansion courtyard. Nonetheless, as Scrooge would have been drawn to this 600-plus horse luxury carriage, he would already have one tucked within one of his many estate garages, ready to throw pennies from as he motored through the districts.

Price: $416,200 Engine: 6.0-liter bi-turbo V12 Power: 620 HP Torque: 738 lb.-ft.2012 Bentley Mulsanne

Every old Grinch has a Bentley kicking around, but the Mulsanne adds luxury and refinement that one just can’t achieve if one is still driving around in one of the sports coupe Continentals. About $100K less opulent than the Phantom or 57 S, this flagship sedan only has a V8. Regardless, the Mulsanne still has more horses than the Phantom and just beats out the 57 S in brute torque. Scrooge would most likely put the savings toward the $33K backseat tech option, which includes motorized tables that drop down with iPads and wireless keyboards, all hooked into the car’s onboard mobile hotspot, giving you more time to check how your stocks and bonds are doing in the markets.

Price: $290,000 Engine: 6.75-liter V8 Power: 505 HP Torque: 752 lb.-ft.2013 Mercedes-Benz S65 AMG

A multimillionaire collector will soon outgrow trading cards and travel souvenirs (unless you count foreign Playboy editions) for limited editions and record-holding vehicles. There is no way Scrooge would be able to turn down the most powerful production sedan Mercedes has ever made: the S65 from performance division AMG. Not as pricey as one would expect at around $200,000, the S65 delivers an understated luxury experience; a seat massage under the panoramic moonroof as you’re being driven to soirees or between your many residences is just par for the course…at least for Scrooge, that is.

Price: $194,825 Engine: 6.0-liter V12 Power: 621 HP Torque: 738 lb.-ft.


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