It’s time we start honoring Charlotte McKinney properly. Enough of these verbose but stuttering compliments and breathy promises of what we would do if she were our girlfriend (like any of us yokels have that kind of deserving imagination). How dare you for wanting her to be tied down in the first place. She’s like some other-worldly butterfly that’s generously adapted her alternate-dimensional form to a human as discretely as she can manage and we’d all still torch the rainforest for her if a twig fell on her out of revenge.
We should be taking real action here, like crowdfunding a private island where the bombshell can romp around and, I don’t know, take up painting sea turtles while sipping mai-tais in her bikini (or whatever she damn well feels like). She’s a national, if not altogether worldly, treasure. Since the beginning of the year, just like last year, McKinney has blessed us with definitive art piece, one after another by way of Instagram posts, and here we are just gawking at her statuesque appearance because we can’t think straight enough to organize a protest to keep her exempt from paying taxes.
Now she gives us a bare-bottom shot? You guys, we need to pool our resources together and act. The time is now.