In the immortal words of my childhood best friend, “Poop is always funny.” At the time, I responded with a barebone snicker and eye roll, but years later, I realized that was the smartest observation I had ever heard a kid make. As soon as that deal enters a story, the whole wild tale takes on a somewhat absurdist quality. It just has no business in any reasonable story, really, and the fact that someone had the nerve to poop on a brand-new Tesla Model X is a huge bummer…but it’s still kind of funny, especially once you read the victim’s irate Craigslist ad.

I feel bad for the dude. I really do. He is mad as hell and not going to take it anymore, and he has every right to declare his warpath. It’s totally understandable. But again, seeing words like “DNA” and “lawyers,” and reading about the traumatized conservative date and him being a tax-paying citizen, it’s just really hard to not level up on perplexity and amusement here.

Read the pissed-off, pooped-on tirade below.