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101 Reasons Cold Weather Is Better Than Warm Weather

101 Reasons Cold Weather Is Better Than Warm Weather:

We get it. It’s cold outside. And according to your latest facebook post, “Cold weather can eat shit.” We understand that sentiment as well.

But now that we are firmly wrapped in winter’s bosom, we’d all like to think that warm weather is infallible and cold weather is the devil. But you know what? Sometimes cold weather is better than warm weather, and we have 101 reasons to prove it.

1) Cold weather gives you an excuse to do absolutely nothing all day.

2) Your ex girlfriend is less likely to show up at your door with a knife.

3) Getting shitfaced inside is more fun when it’s cold outside.

4) Snow days.

5) You sleep better in cold weather which leads to better productivity or something I bet.

6) You get to wear sweaters and sweaters are pretty cool.

7) You can get super fat and no one will know.

8) Hot chocolate.

9) Santa loves cold weather. Are you saying Santa is wrong?!?

10) All the bugs are dead. Fuck bugs.

11) You’re less likely to get pulled over by cops because hey they don’t like being cold either.

12) You get an excuse to make indoor fires.

13) You know who hates cold weather? That’s right, Satan.

14) You can’t watch people eat shit in ice in warm weather now can you.

15) Hour long showers (beat sessions) are excused.

16) Lots of work if you’re a tow-truck driver.

17) Lots of work if you’re a snowplow operator.

18) Lots of work if you’re a professional White Walker impersonator.

19) What I’m saying is that it’s good for the economy.

20) You get to hate your local meteorologist unabashedly.

21) You get to complain about the weather every 5 minutes on Facebook.

22) It’s more normal to watch shows about finding the Abominable Snowman in cold weather.

23) Hoth is pretty cool. Are you saying Hoth isn’t cool?

24) Snuggles! <3

25) Have an old pet or relative you’re tired of supporting? They’re more likely to die in cold weather!

26) Fighting about the thermostat lets you interact with your loved ones hourly.

27) I bet Hitler hated cold weather.

28) “From the breath of God ice is made, And the expanse of the waters is frozen.” - Job 37:10

29) The rate of bear attacks drop drastically in cold weather.

30) ¼ of you have birthdays during cold weather months. Those will be fun maybe.

31) “Cold weather really puts me in the mood,” is something a girl has said before probably.

32) You don’t have to mow the lawn.

33) You can make funny jokes about the cold on Twitter.com.

34) Minnesota makes the news more often.

35) And so does Canada.

36) If you have sex outside your girlfriend won’t mind if it’s fast.

37) Ever heard of hot tubs??

38) You’re less likely to get murdered in cold weather.

39) Mittens rule.

40) No one has ever drunk hot cider in warm weather.

41) You don’t have to pay for air conditioning.

42) You get plenty of exercise scraping your car every morning.

43) Heart attacks are more likely in the winter which kills off the weak in our species.

44) You can stick your tongue to things.

45) During the cold months, wood frogs freeze for seven months then thaw and hop away which is pretty sweet.

46) This:

47) You get to use words like “Polar Vortex” and “Snowmaggedon” and “Snow Train to Fuckville.”

48) You don’t have to go to any Jimmy Buffet concerts.

49) Without the cold weather you won’t be able to have that fun interaction where you ask your mom if she just said “watch out for black ice” or “watch out for black guys.”

50) You get to post dashboard temp pics on Instagram.

51) You get to post funny memes about how cold it is on Instagram.

52) You get to post pics of your blackened, frostbitten toes on Instagram.

53) Did I mention you don’t have to worry about bear attacks anymore?

54) Football happens in cold weather.

55) Baseball doesn’t happen in cold weather.

56) MORE PEOPLE FALLING.

57) Cold weather gives you an excuse to not hang out with people.

58) Cold weather gives you an excuse to not talk to people.

59) Cold weather gives you an excuse to drink alone.

60) “I can’t come into work, my car is stuck in my driveway.”

61) Girls in leggings.

62) Snowball fights.

63) Girls in snowball fights.

snow682 964066a

64) You can act like you’re smoking cigarettes even though you’re clearly not old enough to smoke cigarettes.

65) When Bobby Woodman pushes you down it doesn’t hurt as much because you’re wearing more clothes.

66) This wouldn’t have ever happened.

67) Or this.

68) Or this.

69) God how childish are you. Yes you can do that when it’s cold out.

70) You get to secretly hate people who live in warm weather climates or Australia.

71) Your family isn’t going to come visit when it’s cold out.

72) No one has ever said, “ It’s such a terrible day out! Let’s go to the farmer’s market!”

73) You have more time to spend on the memoir that no one will ever read.

74) Video games. All day.

75) Most the best Calvin and Hobbes strips are winter-related.

76) Mother

77) F-ing

78) Christmas.

79) Now everyone is pale like you.

80) It really can be beautiful sometimes.

81) Spiders are all dead. Fuck spiders.

82) The furnace-like person (or animal) you share the bed with is now welcome.

83) Coming inside to a warm house is an amazing feeling when it’s super shitty outside.

84) What do you think inspired the amazing films Ice Age 1, Ice Age 2, Ice Age 3, and Ice Age 4?

85) But seriously Wooly Mammoths are pretty badass.

86) Beautiful snow sculptures like this:

funny-rude-snow-prank-on-top-of-a-car

87) The Shining’s plot would have been: Let’s go home! [everyone goes home]

88) It’s a nice change of pace and you know it.

89) It makes your huge hog shrink to a more manageable size.

90) You fall asleep in 2.5 seconds.

91) There is almost zero Fear of Missing Out.

92) New Year’s!

93) Okay New Year’s mostly sucks but you get a ton of days off in the winter months.

94) All the stupid birds that wake you up in the morning have flown south.

95) Seriously, how fun is it to watch people fall on ice?

96) Soups, stews, chilis, and chowders.

97) If you’re a night person you get a lot more night.

98) You can’t get a sunburn if there’s no sun!

99) Getting warm is a lot easier than getting cool.

100) You’re way less likely to die of heat exhaustion.

101) Not everyone likes the cold weather but we’re all adults so we can…


Matt is the senior humor editor at Playboy.com. Follow him on Twitter: @mattsurely.

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