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The 10 Craziest Cologne Scents

The 10 Craziest Cologne Scents: Photo courtesy AHALIFE

Photo courtesy AHALIFE

You’re tired of smelling like every other guy at the bar. But how best to stand out from the crowd? Skip the traditional musk- or citrus-scented sprays for one of the, uh, less conventional colognes on this list. While some of these are actually wearable, others more closely fit the formal definition of “intoxicating.” In any case, she’ll get a kick out of spying one of them on your bedroom dresser.


001 style crazy-colognes

photo courtesy of Demeter Fragrance

DEMETER “LOBSTER”
$40 for 4 oz., demeterfragrance.com
The people who make this lobster-scented fragrance call it both “obtuse” and “dead on.” Redolent of sweet meat and drawn butter, there’s obviously a big market for this among lonely Maine men hoping to lure a nice lobsterwoman.


002 style crazy-colognes

photo courtesy of Etat Libre D’Orange

ETAT LIBRE D’ORANGE “SECRETIONS MAGNIFIQUES”
$80 for 50 ml, etatlibredorange.com
Described as “like blood, sweat, sperm, saliva,” this unisex perfume is purportedly meant to mimic your body’s various juices and excretions. The closest you’ll get to smelling like sex.


003 style crazy-colognes

photo courtesy of CB I HATE PERFUME

CHRISTOPHER BROSIUS “BURNING LEAVES”
$50 for 30 ml, cbihateperfume.com
The name of this cologne is not ironic. It smells like a pile of burning leaves, which isn’t such a bad thing. You’ll certainly turn heads at a cocktail party if you walk in wearing this stuff.


004 style crazy-colognes

photo courtesy of D.S. & Durga

D.S. & DURGA “BURNING BARBERSHOP”
$145 for 50 ml, dsanddurga.com
Apparently “burning” is a theme among perfumers, though the smoky quality of this cologne is more toned down than Brosius’s “Burning Leaves.” That smoke tends to fade away quickly, leaving a masculine lavender scent behind.


photo courtesy of AHALIFE

photo courtesy of AHALIFE

BOUDICCA “WODE PAINT”
$140 for 150 ml, ahalife.com
This unisex scent is herbal, spicy, and somewhat conventional. But it makes our list because it resembles bright blue paint when first spritzed on. Though the blue hue fades, for an hour after you apply this cologne you’ll look like you walked out of a paintball battle.


006 style crazy-colognes

photo courtesy of AMAZON

FRESH “CANNABIS SANTAL”
$154 for 100 ml, amazon.com
You’ve always wanted to smell like a freshly lit joint. The only problem: you don’t smoke weed. Here’s your solution. Ideal for high school students and those hoping to get out of jury duty. (Actually this has a clean, herbal scent.)


007 style crazy-colognes

photo courtesy of CB I HATE PERFUME

CHRISTOPHER BROIUS “IN THE LIBRARY”
$50 for 30 ml, cbihateperfume.com
The second from perfumer Christopher Brosius, this cologne immediately calls to mind old books and leather. It would actually work well as a home air-freshener. Spray it around your place, and you’ll give your pad a super-distinctive scent.


008 style crazy-colognes

photo courtesy of Demeter Fragrance

DEMETER “EARTHWORM”
$40 for 4 oz., demeterfragrance.com
A “deeper, darker, richer version” of Demeter’s no-doubt bestselling “Dirt” cologne, the makers of this scent say it reflects “not the worm itself, but where it lives, deep in moist soil, on the floor of a forest covered with decomposing leaves.” Mmm, moist soil.


009 style crazy-colognes

photo courtesy of FARGINNAY

FARGINNAY “BACON CLASSIC”
$36 (amount not indicated), fargginay.com
This one drives women crazy. While the bacon scent isn’t overpowering, it’s undeniably present in cologne the manufacturers call “sophisticated.” Our advice: skip the “lighter” Bacon Gold in favor of the more robust “Bacon Classic.” If you’re going to wear a bacon-scented cologne, be bold.


010 style crazy-colognes

photo courtesy of Vulva Original

VULVA ORIGINAL
$33 (amount not indicated), vulva-original.com
It smells like a “desirable woman’s” genitalia, according to its makers. Maybe this one isn’t for you, but for that special someone you have deflated and stuffed in your closet.


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