If you’ve ever lived in a college dorm, then you know things can get pretty crazy. It is a constant den of sex, drugs, alcohol, bodily fluids, poor decision making and pissed off resident advisors. Below are some of the wildest dorm stories as told by the users of Reddit.
1. THAT’S WHAT YOU GET FOR EDUCATING THEM
In the late 70s/early 80s, Illinois State built a brand new dorm building where the rooms all had two closets, one on each side wall. But because they built the dorm on the cheap, the backs of the closets didn’t have real walls, only thin pieces of pressboard. That was all that was separated one dorm room from the next. Once students figured this out, they cut big holes in the pressboard so that you could get to the adjoining dorm room by opening the closet door and scooting through the hole in the back wall. They did this in room after room, until they had effectively built a huge secret passageway connecting every single dorm room on the floor. The creation of this secret passageway led, almost immediately, to a culture of endless, enormous, authority-proof dorm parties. It was total non-stop chaos. Every summer, the school would replace the ripped out pressboard with sturdier and sturdier material. But students just got stronger saws, and kept rebuilding the secret passageways, year after year. Eventually, only a few years after they built it, the school gave up and tore the building down.
I went around the dorm with my friend who was an RA doing smoke alarm checks. He would knock and announce himself and wait for about a minute if nobody answered and knock again. If nobody answered he would key in. Everything was cool and nothing was exciting until we came across room 221. I will never forget what I saw. My friend swung the door open and took one step in and there he was. A 300+ pound naked fat hairy guy with a belt wrapped around his neck tied to his bedframe sticking his penis in a roasted chicken (like one that you would get from Walmart). He obviously didn’t hear my friend knocking and was busy choking himself out while stuffing his chicken.
3. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE SEQUEL IDEA
A guy on my floor rappelled 40 feet from his window into the dorm courtyard on an ethernet cord tied to a radiator in the middle of winter.
4. HE SEEMS TO PROUD ABOUT THIS
One night a guy in my dorm announced his GF was giving blowjobs to anyone who wanted it. Guys were lined up outside the door, would come in one at a time and she gave each one a blowjob.
5. SOUNDS LIKE A CLASSY GUY
Had a guy light one of the rooms on my floor on fire. He never got charged for it, but we knew it was him because Googling his name lead to an article about him lighting wildfires in his home state. Then he wrote a fake death threat to himself to gain sympathy and distract everyone from the whole fire thing. He was moved to a different dorm. Then he stabbed himself with scissors on campus and claimed to have been attacked.
6. THIS IS WHY YOU ALWAYS BUY EXTRA SHEETS
I was visiting a friend at another school for the first time. He and I were planning on smoking until we walked into his dorm room and saw a girl on HIS bed in labor. We were both speechless until his roommate came running back from the bathroom with a wet towel and said, “Don’t freak out! Don’t freak out!” The girl turned out to be the roommate’s sister who lived nearby and was visiting. She went into labor a few weeks early so everyone was thrown off guard.
They eventually took an ambulance to the hospital and once they were gone we saw that she was sitting on my friends bed when her water broke.
7. SOUNDS LIKE HE GOT WHAT HE DESERVED
I did a power hour on Burnett’s Vanilla Vodka and punched out a fluorescent light. I wrapped my bloody hand in my shirt and took off my pants for some reason. When campus security arrived, I accidentally racially slurred one of the officers by calling him every stereotypical Mexican name I could think of because I forgot his real name. They tried to take me to the hospital because I was too drunk so I punched one of them (with my non bloody hand). They called the police and I woke up in the drunk tank, in my underwear and a blanket with a bloody hand and a underage drinking ticket. The campus security officer told me I punched like a girl the next day when I apologized.
8. BUT AT LEAST THEY’LL HAVE THE MEMORIES
My brother’s frat flooded the second floor of their dorm in the winter. They lay down plastic sheeting and then opened all the windows. It froze and was a badass indoor ice skating rink for a few days. Then the second floor collapsed through the first floor into the basement. They lost their charter.
9. COULD’VE BEEN A HALLUCINATION
One time I was up late doing some homework and I finally finished up, so I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I was just standing there staring into the mirror and all of a sudden some kid on a unicyclist comes in through the bathroom wearing a rainbow colored Phantom of the Opera mask and a thong. He salutes me as he comes through and then went down the hall. Apparently no one else saw him that night.
10. BEST OR WORST BIRTHDAY EVER?
So I lived on the top floor of a 17-story dorm. It was a coed floor that was the Computer Science floor. So anyway it’s been a couple weeks of us living together and it’s one of the guys’ birthday. Skinny nerdy stereotypical Computer Science major. A couple of the girls on the floor and I think it would be hilarious to get him a stripper. This is when we get the genius idea to just spread the word around all 17 floors of our dorm that we were ordering a stripper and just charge five dollars at the elevator. So finally the time comes and people start showing up. We got a bunch of chairs and put them in our lounge. The stripper is about to show up and we have around 50 people all crammed in our tiny lounge. The birthday boy was on a chair in the middle of the room and everyone else was sitting in a circle around him. Finally the stripper shows up and it was just as bad as we expected. She looked like she came straight from the trailer park to our dorm. She ended up starting out just going around the room giving everyone a dance, which wasn’t even that weird. Then it got weird. She finally turns her attention to the birthday boy. He’s been waiting in the chair in the middle of the room. She stands him up. Takes his belt off. He looks nervous. He should be. Then she stripped him completely nude in front of all 50 people. Then she preceded to spank him with his belt and not to mention all the weird stripper things. She wrapped his dick in money and took it off with her mouth. Meanwhile this kid is bright red. No one could look away.
11. SO…RACISM WORKED IN THIS CASE
My buddy and his black roommate were messing around and broke a widow in their dorm. His roommate said, “I can fix it”, and wrote the n-word on a piece of paper, tied the paper to a rock, and put it in his room. He then called the RA and explained that some racist had thrown a rock through the window. There were several diversity seminars later that semester and the next.
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