Kids say the darndest things. And sometimes, if life throws you an awful curveball, kids say those things in a public bathroom stall.
I’m a dad of a beautiful 3 year old girl. Any dad of a daughter will tell you that bathroom stuff is part of the deal. If mom is not around, or tending to one of the others, I have to take my little girl into the men’s room. So this happened at a quiet little mom & pop restaurant. It was just the two of us in there. I wipe off and cover the seat so she can do her little tinkle…but then I realize I really have to go. No big deal. I just place her in the corner of the stall and say “don’t move.” I start to pee.
I hear the door to the restroom open, meaning we are now no longer the only two occupants. I hear two guys walk in. As one of the sets of footsteps draw near, my little girl starts to back away from the door and ends up right next to me. She looks down at what’s going on (with an “open door” policy on the bathroom at home, and her two brothers…it’s nothing she hasn’t seen before) and loudly exclaims: “Daddy!! Look at your little penis!!”
I hear the other guys in the bathroom kind of snort…and then let loose in laughter.
First of all…wow. She’s never said that before…or since. Second…WHAT IS HERE FRAME OF REFERENCE!!??
I didn’t know what I could possibly say to make it any better. I kind of wanted to yell out “Um..She’s just kidding…it’s normal size” but I figured that any remark trying to clarify my size would just come off as creepy. I just stayed in the stall until the other two guys left. I couldn’t face them. I’m sure they were out there in the restaurant watching to see me come out so they could tell their wives about the guy who has a tiny wiener by three year old standards!!
TL;DR My daughter publicly insults my manhood
edit: Wow, thanks for the interest everyone! Also, for those concerned about “open door policy” I guess I should clarify that it’s not so much a policy as a fact of life with 3 kids and 2 parents in a smallish house. Everybody has seen everybody else’s stuff and it’s no big deal.
There’s not really much of value I can add to this story, other than you should do everything in your power to keep your children from seeing you naked. Then again, I hope you already knew that.