DARPA, the military research agency that helped create the Internet, is developing “evolving” computer software that will last for hundreds of years without needing to be updated.

This is good news for old people who are constantly being duped into “updating” the Yahoo! Toolbar. But it’s bad news for future generations who will have to fight these horrific robot dogs.

The program, called Building Resource Adaptive Software Systems (BRASS), is currently accepting project proposals in multiple areas related to programming language, methods, and new types of program analyses. The goal is to create software that is resilient and adaptive even as the technological environment changes over time.

“The inability to seamlessly adapt to new operating conditions undermines productivity, hampers the development of cyber-secure infrastructure and raises the long-term risk that access to important digital content will be lost as the software that generates and interprets content becomes outdated,” Suresh Jagannathan, DARPA program manager, said in a statement.

According to Lily Hay Newman, a technology writer for Future Tense, evolving software would most likely see broad-scale implementation across the computer-using world.

“Soda distributors have different needs than the IRS—but the broad goals of longevity and flexibility would be the same,” she said.

You know who else has a different set of needs from soda distributors? Flesh-eating nanobots.

Uncle Ted

Uncle Ted

This article is dedicated to my uncle Ted Kaczynski. I miss you every day.