Editor’s note: This article originally ran on May 15, 2015. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
Angelina Jolie, one of the most powerful women in Hollywood, announced in 2013 that she had undergone a preventative double mastectomy because of a genetic mutation that put her at an 87 percent risk of developing breast cancer.
She’s hardly an outlier. An increasing number of women who have this same genetic mutation are electing to have both of their breasts removed in order to decrease their chances of getting cancer. Like Jolie, I carry the same gene, and I also chose to have a double mastectomy and silicon breast reconstruction.
Women with mastectomies, unlike women who’ve had breast enhancements, have absolutely no feeling in their breasts, even though we have implants that look and feel like real breasts. We have lost all sensation and are numb in that area. Women such as Angelina Jolie and me (who kept our nipples) lose the feeling and sensation. This is a game-changer in the bedroom for many couples.
Why should any of this matter to you?
Guys, hot, single women the world over are taking their health into their own hands and getting 100 percent artificial and cancer-free breasts. I’m here to let you in on a little secret: WE WANT TO HAVE SEX!
Contrary to stereotypes, women aren’t solely interested in sex that satisfies them on an emotional level. We can’t wait to get back on our feet, on our knees, in missionary or however we like getting busy.
And, hey, listen, even if you’re not about to date a woman with a mastectomy, you might find some of this advice useful. Because there are a lot of women who aren’t into their boobs as much as you fellas are, and maybe focusing on other parts of her body will benefit your sex life as well.
I’ll just throw this out there as well: Brad Pitt is definitely using all these moves, and that cannot be a bad thing.
Ideally your partner will speak up and let you know if she’s feeling uncomfortable and what turns her on. This should just be standard in any sexual relationship, fake boobies or not. Every woman has her sexual preferences.
Caitlin Brodnick, a friend of mine who had a preventative mastectomy and is also star of the Glamour Magazine web series, “Screw U Cancer” explains, “I need my husband to be more upfront with me. If he thinks I look sexy I want him to tell me and not be shy. I love it when he grabs my ass or says he wants me out of nowhere. After surgery I feel more in control of my body, but I still want him to find me sexy when I’m just walking around the house. I didn’t want my surgery to make me too precious. Yes, I had a serious surgery, but I am still a woman and I still love sex.”
Brodnick likes her ass being grabbed because yes, lots of women like it when you play around with their behinds. A lot of women like mild spanking and butt squeezing.
I personally prefer the nape of my neck. Just breathing on my neck gives me the good kind of goose bumps. Bonus points when you involve your tongue or teeth in that area. Don’t forget your hands, too. Lift her hair up gently as you bring your mouth close to her neck. I love that.
The back and spine can also be a thrilling and often overlooked erogenous zone. Place a palm on either side of her spine and try running your fingers slowly up and down over her skin. Or try lightly scratching her back while you’re doing the deed.
Dedicating some attention to her pelvis also works wonders. Especially if you can keep your focus there and avoid the obvious distraction located a little further south. The feel of your touch, kiss or lick in this area will tease and tantalize her until she is begging for more.
When a woman is aroused, her pain tolerance increases, which is why light biting and pressure feels so damn good for her. Go easy, though, until you know how hard she likes it.
ABOUT THE BREASTS
Many think the breasts and nipple are among the most erogenous zones for us ladies. However, according to a Canadian study, the neck, forearm and vaginal margin were ranked as more sensitive areas. The areola was least sensitive. Unsurprisingly, the clitoris was the most sensitive to vibration compared to all the body parts. So, yeah, don’t give up on finding that elusive sweet spot.
Not all women who have mastectomies outlaw their breasts. Some women still like having their partner fondle and handle them.
Danielle (not her real name), who had her mastectomy in her late 20s, says, “I do like my husband handling them. I think I’d be weird if he tried to do anything specific with the nipple area since I didn’t have any nipple reconstruction, but I do like it when he grabs a handful of them like pre-surgery. The pressure and fact that he still wants to grab them is a big boost of confidence and feeling of normalcy.”
Don’t be hyper-cautious with our breasts. We are not fragile creatures, and we do strive to some degree of normalcy.
Whether or not they’ve had a mastectomy, women like men who make them feel sexy. Feeling sexy is so important because when you’ve lost something as feminine as your breasts, sexiness means everything.
The key to making a woman feel sexy is to make her feel desired and comfortable in her body. Sure, women get all riled up about being “sexualized” objects in the media and whatnot, but when it comes to the bedroom, we want to feel sexualized, sexy and desired.
Many women who are getting over a mastectomy or any sort of trauma simply miss having sex. Making them feel wanted and having sex with them is a great gift. Don’t be afraid of the surgery. Your girl will let you know if she’s in pain, but more likely than not she really, REALLY wants to have sex.
Said Brodnick, “I had sex two weeks after surgery. I was kind of obsessed and more focused than I had ever been. Sex was great like it always had been, but this time it was more important. I had to prove to myself that I could satisfy my husband with or without breasts as if nothing had changed.”
More than anything, we just want to feel sexy and normal again. Don’t be afraid to get down and dirty with us. Breasts or fake breasts, we want to feel sexy and have sex. We are just like other women, only with a few scars that resemble badges of strength and courage. And that in itself is sexy as hell, if you ask me.
Eden Dranger is a standup comedian in Los Angeles.
Photographer Daniela Hummel’s website can be viewed here.