If there’s one thing people know about me it’s that I have the voice of 2005 DMX combined with the killer from Scream. But if there are two things people know about me, it’s the voice thing and that I love Dave and Busters more than most people love their grandparents. It’s a glorious establishment filled with everything you could possibly want for a day, or night, of fun, but when I would suggest it to friends they’d laugh like I was joking. Somewhere along the way we convinced ourselves that going out as an adult means sitting in a dark, musty bar and sipping on drinks that are best described as earthy.

Dave and Busters does not subscribe to that line of reasoning.

Recently I invited a group of friends out for a night out at the D&Bs in Hollywood so they could truly understand what they were missing out on. For some reason many people have convinced themselves that it’s just a place for children, but that could not be further from the truth. Do you just hate fun? Is that it? Because that’s the only explanation I can think of as to why you wouldn’t want to go. Let’s look at the key ingredients in this amazing cluster of wonderfulness:

The Drinks
Why am I going to go to a dark, musty bar and pay $8 for a PBR that I’m going to drink while sitting on an uncomfortable stool in front of a bartender that acts inconvenienced by my existence? Sometimes I just want a drink that I would get on a Carnival Cruise. Dave and Busters straight up has a sno cone filled with alcohol!

There’s also a watermelon drink where the ice, (you might want to sit down for this) is frozen chunks of what I believe is watermelon Kool-Aid. It’s like if you were 9 and also legally allowed to do shots. It should be noted that they don’t allow children to do shots at Dave and Busters. And I don’t condone children doing shots either. What’s happening right now?

The Games

These aren’t your run of the mill arcade games that you see in the corner of a bowling alley or in your single uncle’s basement. They have four-person air hockey, competitive Pac Man, and tons of other badass games for you to dump your money into. There’s also a four-player Mario Kart game, which is great if you’re looking to break up with a significant other and want to blame it on them continually hitting you with red shells.
But maybe games aren’t your thing. Maybe you hate life and want each moment to be filled with sorrow. Understandable. There are still plenty of reasons for you to hit up D&B besides joyous moments like these:

It’s Like the Club But Not Like the Club
My friend came up to me with his face full of glee and was going on and on about how he got to talk to all of these attractive ladies just like he was at the club, but without having to be at the club. You don’t have to yell at each other over a dubstep remix of 36 Pitbull songs while buying $13 beers the entire night. There’s karaoke if you want to let loose and sing, but how great is it that you can chat with attractive members of the opposite sex AND play skee ball? There should be way more rap songs about flirting with beautiful women and impressing them by winning a large quantity of tickets from a Whack-a-Mole machine. Get on it, Chingy!

The Prizes
Let me tell you a thing or two about prizes at other “arcade establishments.” I took my son to Chuck E. Cheese and we spent around $50 on games. You know what he got to buy with all the tickets we won? A pencil, a tiny plastic dinosaur, and 6 tootsie rolls that tasted like they were from the Byzantine Era. At Dave and Busters I walked out with shirts, sports memorabilia, and enough cups and mugs to stock up my entire kitchen.

And if you think this is another ripoff arcade where you get 3 tickets per game and prizes cost 500, guess again. In a single game I pulled off this ticket haul:

Are you going to win more than me? Probably not. But you’ll have fun trying.

It’s Actually F-ing Fun
Here’s the thing; if you go to the movies, someone isn’t going to like it. If you go to the beach, someone is going to get sunburned or get sand in their urethra. If you go to Dave and Busters, you’re going to have the most magical time of your life and all of your family that complains about everything will finally enjoy themselves and stop complaining about everything, like that Friends episode where Rachel talks about the Fourth of July. Plus, it’s a celebrity hotspot.

While we were playing games we ran into NBA star Draymond Green. WARNING: Do NOT play the arcade basketball game against a professional basketball player. You will lose.

So the next time you’re planning a fun night out, don’t forget about the one place that combines every enjoyable element like some wonderful party version of Captain Planet. If your garbage friends don’t want to go, then get new friends. And if you do go, give me a call because I really want another one of those sno-cones.

Rob is a writer and comedian based in Louisville, KY. Follow @robfee on Twitter.