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6 Doctors Share the Strangest Things They’ve Walked In on a Patient Doing

Photo courtesy of [sanna.tugend / flickr](https://www.flickr.com/photos/-23/16712124217/)

Photo courtesy of sanna.tugend / flickr

Before you start sounding like a politician by saying “I’m not a doctor, but one time…”, just stop. You’re not a doctor so don’t try and outdo these doctors and nurses’ super strange stories. Find more stories not safe for anything here.


1. Tapping a Line Here Boss The only thing more awkward than walking in on a patient using their central line to inject heroin is having to listen to them try to convince you that they were not just using their central line to inject heroin.

2. Grannies Gone Wild You would be very surprised at how much old person f@#king is going on. Most of the time it’s when a man is in the hospital and his wife comes to visit him.

They just climb right into those beds and get freaky. God bless the horny geriatric bastards.

3. Find the Receptacle Please Paramedic here. I’m not sure I even know what “strange” means anymore. Walk in on a dude with a left hand full of poop and a right hand full of his dick that he is furiously jerking.

Sigh. “Alright man, just make sure you get it in the toilet when you’re done.”

Still jerking, “Which?”

“Yes.”

4. Celebrating Easter I was about to perform a colonoscopy and the patient was shoving M&Ms in his rectum, said he wanted to give me an Easter egg hunt.

5. Probably an Alien Not super strange overall, but unexpected. Labor and delivery unit; saw from the main monitor at the desk that one baby’s heart rate had stopped tracing on the fetal monitor. It happens sometimes with position changes during labor, so we went in to go readjust. Patient is just sitting there cleaning the just born baby off with the sheets, looks at us like nothing is wrong. Didn’t even ring her call bell.

6. Send Them to the Psych Ward Working in neuro/psych, the strangest thing I have walked in on was a fully cognitive 18 year old male having sex with his biological mother.

The sex was consensual and they both seemed to be enjoying themselves, however needless to say the mother was denied a private presence and given limited visiting hours after that.

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