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Let Dominatrix Hudsy Hawn Tell You The Truth Behind ‘Fifty Shades’

Let Dominatrix Hudsy Hawn Tell You The Truth Behind ‘Fifty Shades’:

Hudsy Hawn was introduced to BDSM when a guy she was seeing turned out to have sexual proclivities kinkier than she’d imagined: “He wasn’t interested in having ‘vanilla’ sex with me. He was into flogging and spanking and having me crawl around and do role-play… and I was just smitten with the energy of it.” Now, the disarming redhead works as a dominatrix and “lifestyle switch,” meaning she’ll top or bottom depending on her partner. The kink-fetish-BDSM guru also works at an amusement park and as a singer in a cover band.

International bestseller Fifty Shades of Grey started out as Twilight fan-fiction. In it, protagonist Anastasia Steele falls for the mysterious Christian Grey, a self-proclaimed sadist who wants to get freaky with Ana in his “red room of pain.” In anticipation of the Fifty Shades movie release, I catch up with Hudsy in Stockroom Headquarters, where she curates their calendar of panels, speakers, and classes on all things kink.


How has Fifty Shades of Grey influenced your professional life?
The whole Fifty Shades phenomenon has made everybody more comfortable talking about BDSM, which makes me really happy. I work at a dungeon called The Dominion, where I help couples and single people who want to explore their fantasies through role-play. One of my favorite things is working with couples who got into the Fifty Shades book and want to learn how to practice BDSM and do it right. I love it when I see that couples have read it! We [at JT’s Stockroom] have seen a kick in sales, and there are a lot more classes going on. I think when the movie comes out it’s going to be killer. This past week was the busiest I’ve ever been, and it’s all because of people being into [Fifty Shades]. And it hasn’t even hit theaters yet! I think they’re going make the second movie, and the hype will keep going. It’ll be popular for longer than neon clothes were.

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Fifty Shades has sold over 100 million copies worldwide. Why do you think has it been so successful?
Sex sells, and people want to feel sexy — they want to explore. It’s got that excitement of someone taking over… and how amazing that is. When someone takes over and takes control, it makes you feel like you matter, and it makes you feel beautiful. Like this beautiful princess that’s going to be saved and rescued and taken care of, and people love to read that. And then if he’s slightly dark… everybody likes the bad boy. And that’s a big fantasy. Like, everybody likes vampires, because it’s so forbidden, yet so uniquely sexy. I don’t think that it’s any mistake that [E.L. James] was following the Twilight formula. It makes perfect sense: A dom and a vampire are very similar. I mean, some of them will suck the blood out of you.

A typical BDSM relationship consists of a dominant and a submissive, or a “dom” and a “sub.” In Fifty Shades, Christian, a dom, tells Ana, who he hopes will be his sub, that —and I’m paraphrasing — the sub, not the dom, has all the power.
In a healthy BDSM dynamic, that’s definitely true. The dom would never push something that the sub is not okay with. You can be sadistic as a dom, but you have to be consensual. Permission is a huge thing. We hope in most cases that a sub will honor his- or herself and will have and employ a safe word. It doesn’t happen that way as much as we might hope, but yes, the sub is supposed to have all the power, even if the dom is in charge.

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Is the book realistic?
Well, all the 27-year-old doms that I know that are that rich have 20 girlfriends, not just one and she’s not a multi-orgasmic virgin. I’m just happy the book has brought BDSM to light so that we can all discuss it in an open forum and learn from one another, but I don’t think we should take the book as the bible.

What makes a good dom?
The best doms were once subs. We have this whole thing in our community where we all learn from one another. I always joke around that with female fetish workers, it’s like the Girl Scouts. You start out as a Bluebird or whatever, and then it’s the Brownie Juniors… You don’t just say, “I’m a dom!” There’s a whole life journey to being a dom. You actually have to learn how to take care of another person. You have to have been able to take care of yourself. I always say, “I’m my own dom.” I have a dom, and I am a dom to other people, but at the end of the day I have to be treating myself way better than anybody else would.

You’ve called your work “therapeutic” and “spiritual.”
I have a really amazing client, a straight man, whose kink is wearing women’s lingerie. Working with him has been a really spiritual experience for me, because I see how much I’ve helped him accept himself. It’s okay, it’s just clothing, it doesn’t have to mean anything it doesn’t need to, and there’s nothing wrong with him for enjoying it. Or a woman came in who wanted to learn how to top her husband. I’m happy for her that he asked her rather than not ask and get what he needed somewhere else. That’s why I like what I do. I feel like I’m a sex educator or BDSM coach, because I can help people accept these things about themselves that they might feel like they couldn’t talk about elsewhere.

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Do you have any advice for people who want to get into BDSM?
My biggest advice would be to find like-minded people in your area that you can talk to safely about this. Fetlife.com is a good place to make new friends… It’s the kinky Facebook. Also, don’t give up your submission to the first person that wants to play with you. It’s important to really get to know someone before you jump in. It’s also important to know your own hard limits, which are things you don’t want to do. Again, find like-minded people you can talk to safely about this. When I first got into it ten years ago, I can’t tell you how many women I talked to online that were in horrible situations and thought that that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s not. It’s whatever you want it to be. So the best advice is, be safe, sane, and consensual, whether you’re a top or a bottom.

Hudsy Hawn will be detailing her journey “from vanilla to kink” in song on Friday, February 20th. Buy tickets here.

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