In 2004 Playboy interviewed Donald Trump, who is currently polling well, to the surprise of many commentators, among 2016 Republican presidential candidates. Let’s just say not much has changed between 2004 and now. Here’s what we learned from The Donald’s interview.
Donald Trump Carries His Press Clippings in His Wallet
Let’s begin with the most fundamental question of all. What’s inside your wallet?
[Reaching into his pocket] Not much money, actually. A Platinum American Express card, some golf club cards, other credit cards, pictures of the family, a newspaper write-up on one of my new projects and, let’s see, three $1 bills. One has a picture of my father on it. The other two are from bets I won.
Donald Trump’s Libido Is a Raging Inferno That Can Only be Contained by Medical Science
Speaking of being in the mood, are you a fan of Viagra?
No, I’m not. I think Viagra is wonderful if you need it, if you have medical issues, if you’ve had surgery. I’ve just never needed it. Frankly, I wouldn’t mind if there were an anti-Viagra, something with the opposite effect. I’m not bragging. I’m just lucky. I don’t need it. I’ve always said, “If you need Viagra, you’re probably with the wrong girl.”
He Once Assaulted One of His Teachers
What kind of son were you? Were you rebellious?
I was very bad. That’s why my parents sent me to a military academy. I was rebellious. Not violent or anything, but I wasn’t exactly well behaved. I once gave one of my teachers a black eye. I talked back to my parents and to people in general. Perhaps it was more like bratty behavior, but I certainly wasn’t the perfect child.
Screaming at People Gets Results
When was the last time you screamed at an employee?
It might have been two days ago, but it wasn’t out of anger; it was a method of getting them to do a better job. Sometimes that works better than honey. I don’t actually have a bad temper. I call it controlled violence. I get angry at people for incompetence. I get angry at people who are getting paid a lot of money and don’t look sharp when they work for me. That’s one reason I do better than everybody else. That’s one reason I get more per square foot than other real estate people. That’s part of why I’m so successful.
Gay Men Will Buy Lemonade from Men, or Something
It would have been great to hear your ideas for some of the team projects on The Apprentice. For instance, how would you have sold lemonade on the streets of New York?
The women did an amazing job. They were dressed beautifully, and a lot of guys wanted to buy lemonade from them. So naturally, the women blew the men out of the water. As for the men, I certainly wouldn’t have been at the Fulton Fish Market—that was a terrible idea. And I wouldn’t have dressed in a suit and tie, because who buys lemonade from a man in a suit and tie? No way. I would have gone immediately to a gay section of Manhattan.
Because I think a gay man would feel really comfortable buying lemonade from another man. Or else I would have hired beautiful women to sell the lemonade. The men picked the worst location. Kwame picked the Fulton Fish Market, and it was a disappointing choice. He was lucky to have survived that one.
The Donald is Straight Edge
Is it true that you’ve never had a glass of alcohol?
I’ve never had drugs and never had alcohol and never had a cup of coffee. I have had other things that perhaps people wouldn’t like. I certainly love women in abundance. And I enjoy my work to the point that I don’t even consider it work.
If He’s President, He’s Going to Fire Some Countries
Let’s talk about that. You were considering a run for the presidency in 2000. How would a Trump candidacy have been different in 2004?
First let me say that although I got ridiculously high poll numbers, ultimately I decided I didn’t want to run primarily because I would have had to do it on the Reform Party ticket, and I thought the Reform Party was a total disaster. You would go to a meeting, there would be fistfights, and it was ridiculous. So that wasn’t for me. But things would be a lot different today, from what I’ve been witnessing. If I were president, I would call Saudi Arabia in right now and say, “You get those fuel prices down or you’re going to pay a heavy price,” because they’re ripping us off left and right. Fuel is at an all-time high. I would get Saudi Arabia and Kuwait in line. We saved Kuwait. These guys were sitting in London in the most beautiful hotels when Saddam Hussein took their country away from them. We put them back into power and now they’re ripping us off for oil. I’ll tell you one thing: If I were president, a whole different negotiation would be going on right now.
You can read the whole interview, which is very entertaining, here.