For those who haven’t seen Star Wars, it can sound like a really wild tale of aliens, ghosts, and teddy bears (and only talented storytellers like Stephen Colbert can easily break it down). But have you ever heard someone who’s never seen a single one of the films explain the entirety of it? Actually, here’s a better question: Have you ever heard a drunk person attempt to thoroughly guess the story of Star Wars? If the answer is no, get ready for the version of Star Wars you never knew you wanted.