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This is What Elizabeth Hurley Looks Like Sunbathing Topless, In Case Your Day Sucks

Sunbathing in Herefordshire @elizabethhurleybeach 😘😘😘

A photo posted by Elizabeth Hurley (@elizabethhurley1) on

I’ve written about Elizabeth Hurley on here and in my adolescent diary numerous times. I mean, it was damn newsworthy when she sent out the world’s greatest Christmas card and single-handedly defeated the aging process altogether. She is a woman of grace, a facet of fantasy, and my greatest mission yet.

Now, truthfully, my record for hooking up with celebrity babes is a solid 0 for 87, and Hurley is so class that I think I need to take her on a candlelit helicopter ride to even get a second date. How I score that first date is beyond me entirely. Maybe I pose as an equestrian enthusiast who just β€œhappens” to also adore polo, finger sandwiches, and not blacking out at weddings?

Ugh, I’d probably need a year of training for that last one. I’ve pretty much gone pro at festive out-of-body experiences. Open bars at weddings are like pits of quicksand I straight up dive into like there’s booty at the center of the Earth. I’ll likely have to watch every James Bond flick before I could even drop an initial pickup line on Hurley, which would have to be about something like vintage wine or the problematic decline of etiquette schools.

I might be in over my head here. I don’t want to go 0 for 88, but I also don’t know anything about boats and, if I’m being honest, think horses are beautiful but secretly violent and unsympathetic monsters. Sigh. I’m about as posh as a breakfast burrito. Onto Ms. 89…

Burn Baby Burn #countrylife 😘

A photo posted by Elizabeth Hurley (@elizabethhurley1) on

School Speech Day πŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒπŸ’ƒ @erdemlondon

A photo posted by Elizabeth Hurley (@elizabethhurley1) on

Roman disco nap @realmrvalentino #valentinolatraviata

A photo posted by Elizabeth Hurley (@elizabethhurley1) on

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