James Comey’s prepared testimony has been released and it includes some suprisingly steamy lines for such a didactic document. Below are the best quotes. Are these ripped from the transcript of a pulse-pounding legal thriller, or from some salacious pulp erotica? Hard to tell.


A DINNER DATE
“The President and I had dinner on Friday, January 27 at 6:30 pm in the Green Room at the White House. He had called me at lunchtime that day and invited me to dinner that night, saying he was going to invite my whole family, but decided to have just me this time.”

HOW ROMANTIC
“It turned out to be just the two of us, seated at a small oval table in the center of the Green Room. Two Navy stewards waited on us, only entering the room to serve food and drinks.”

HOT DAMN
“I remained alone with the President Elect to brief him on some personally sensitive aspects of the information.”

TOP OR BOTTOM?
“My instincts told me that the one-on-one setting, and the pretense that this was our first discussion about my position.”

DOM OR SUB?
“A few moments later, the President said, "I need loyalty, I expect loyalty.” I didn’t move, speak, or change my facial expression in any way during the awkward silence that followed. We simply looked at each other in silence.“

DIRTY TALK
"When the door by the grandfather clock closed, and we were alone, the President began by saying, ‘I want to talk about Mike Flynn.”

VALENTINE’S DATE
“The President signaled the end of the briefing by thanking the group and telling them all that he wanted to speak to me alone. I stayed in my chair. As the participants started to leave the Oval Office, the Attorney General lingered by my chair, but the President thanked him and said he wanted to speak only with me.” (Note: This was their February 14th meeting.)

GET WHAT OUT?
“He hadn’t done anything wrong and hoped I would find a way to get it out.”

ORGASMIC HAZE
“He finished by stressing 'the cloud’”

THE THING WE SHARE
“He added, 'Because I have been very loyal to you, very loyal; we had that thing you know.” I did not reply or ask him what he meant by 'that thing.’“


James Comey is expected to testify tomorrow in what will be one of the watershed moments of the Trump presidency.