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An Erotic Story Featuring the Paperclip from Microsoft Office Now Exists

On the long list of things that no one’s asking for you can find things such as “tissue paper made out of sandpaper,” “a pill that causes headaches” and anything involving the Kardashians. Somewhere on that list of things no one wants you’d probably find “an erotic story about the paperclip that teaches you how to insert pictures in Microsoft Word having sex with a human woman.” Unfortunately, that actually exists.

It’s called Conquered by Clippy. Here’s the description taken from Amazon:

Christie Aackerlund doesn’t need help with anything. So when the world’s biggest technology company offers to fly her to a remote location and investigate an alien artifact, all by herself, she’s all like “I’ll do it!” But the artifact isn’t what it seems, and soon an overly helpful giant living paperclip is getting her all bent out of shape. Conquered by Clippy is a 4000 word short story featuring sexual situations with digital assistants. It’s for super mature audiences only.

By mature, we assume they actually mean “for people won’t spend their entire time giggling while reading this.” Here’s the cover illustration as well:

Amazon

Amazon

The author, Leonard Delaney, has also written Taken by Tetris and Sex Boat: An Erotic Novel About Sex on a Boat, which also doubles as the most unnecessary subhead in the history of publishing.

This story’s certainly going to change the way we view Microsoft office. Any time Clippy tells us the proper way to change the “format our document,” we’ll just assume he’s implying something sexual.

We await the sequel featuring Google Docs stealing all of a woman’s information to find all her turn-ons.


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