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Every Star Wars Character from Episodes I-VI, Ranked: 110-51

Every Star Wars Character from Episodes I-VI, Ranked: 110-51:

There are a lot of characters in the six Star Wars movies released prior to The Force Awakens. Like, a lot a lot. And right now I’m going to rank the vast majority of them. It’s not everybody, of course, but at 223 entries, it’s still more thorough than any sane person would dare to attempt, certainly. Here’s part three.


097 starwars-character-ranking three

110. BAIL ORGANA (EP. II, III)
Probably should be ranked lower because he never really does anything but he gets a sympathy bump for getting blown up on Alderaan.


098 starwars-character-ranking three

109. BREHA ORGANA (EP. III)
She’s only in one shot, but her name being Breha bumps her up above her husband Bail.


099 starwars-character-ranking three

108. SALACIOUS B. CRUMB (EP. VI)
This puppet creature has been an awkward delight to young children for three decades running, but he’s kind of a dipshit.


100 starwars-character-ranking three

106-107. JABBA’S GOONS WHO RAN AWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT (EP. VI)
Luke Skywalker jumps onto Jabba’s sail barge and waves his lightsaber around and these two toss their weapons and nope the hell out of there.


101 starwars-character-ranking three

105. WEIRD HELMET STORMTROOPER (EP. IV)
Most stormtrooper helmets look like the one on the right, with the mouth thing going all the way across the face, but this guy on the left has a short mutant freak mouth thing that always bothered me as a child.


102 starwars-character-ranking three

104. RIGHT-HANDED STORMTROOPER WHO HOLDS HIS GUN WEIRD (EP. IV)
Most the stormtroopers in the original trilogy were left-handed. What a freak this guy is! And why is he holding his gun weird?


103 starwars-character-ranking three

102-103. THE EMPEROR’S CREEPY FRIENDS (EP. VI)
When the Emperor arrives on the Death Star in Return of the Jedi, he brings these two pale weirdos with him. They just stand there, looking weird.


104 starwars-character-ranking three

101. BOSS NASS (EP. I)
Nobody was more fun to screencap than Boss Nass.


105 starwars-character-ranking three

100. CAPTAIN TARPALS (EP. I)
Sympathy ranking because Jar Jar somehow got promoted over him despite not being in the military or knowing how to fight or being good at anything.


106 starwars-character-ranking three

99. THE IMPERIAL OFFICER LUKE SURRENDERED TO ON ENDOR (EP. VI)
He’s like, “Hey, we caught this rebel and he had whatever this thingie is.” That “thingie” is a lightsaber, you nerd.


107 starwars-character-ranking three

98. WUHER THE BARTENDER (EP. IV)
Racist against droids, and serves booze in tupperware.


108 starwars-character-ranking three

97. THIS RANDOM JEDI WHO TOTALLY ISN’T A MEMBER OF N*SYNC (EP. II)
LucasFilm has long insisted that the NSync cameos were cut from *Attack of the Clones, but I don’t know, man.


109 starwars-character-ranking three

96. ODDBALL (EP. III)
One of the only named clone soldiers in the movies, but he got blown up in space about 45 seconds after being named.


110 starwars-character-ranking three

95. THIS EWOK THAT DROPPED A SMALL ROCK ON AN IMPERIAL WALKER (EP. VI)
Look, maybe throwing a single fist-sized stone at a multi-ton AT-ST walker isn’t the most effective tactic, but it’s a good try, good effort.


111 starwars-character-ranking three

94. MOFF JERJERROD (EP. VI)
The Emperor’s coming to town, and this is the face of a guy who, being in charge of the construction of the second Death Star, knows his clock is ticking.


112 starwars-character-ranking three

93. RIC OLIE (EP. I)
Shocked when he discovers that Anakin, a damn Millennial, is good with computers.


113 starwars-character-ranking three

92. DEATH STAR HANGAR BAY OFFICER (EP. IV)
The beloved “TK-421, why aren’t you at your post” guy, right before he gets rocked by Chewbacca.


114 starwars-character-ranking three

91. ADMIRAL OZZEL (EP. V)
He’s as clumsy as he is stupid, as Darth Vader says, but his bluster and lack of self-awareness is really fun.


115 starwars-character-ranking three

90. THIS GUY WHO WAS BEHIND ADMIRAL OZZEL (EP. V)
You can just feel the panic.


116 starwars-character-ranking three

89. NARRATIVE METAPHOR WOMAN (EP. I)
“There’s a storm coming, Ani!” You’re damn right there is. This is a movie franchise that has the word “wars” in the title.


117 starwars-character-ranking three

88. CAPTAIN LENNOX (EP. V)
“Good, our first catch of the day,” Lennox utters, right before his star destroyer is nailed by an ion blast from Hoth. They didn’t catch shit.


118 starwars-character-ranking three

87. WAITRESS DROID (EP. II)
This employee at Dex’s Diner calls people “hun” and loves to look straight into the camera.


119 starwars-character-ranking three

86. DEXTER JETTSTER (EP. II)
A lot of fans really hate Dexter, but he’s one of the few weird aliens in the franchise to have facial hair. Look at that mustache.


120 starwars-character-ranking three

85. WES JANSON (EP. V)
For a guy who’s fighting in a star war, “Wes Janson” is probably the least interesting name you could have.


121 starwars-character-ranking three

84. CLIEGG LARS (EP. II)
If Cliegg was better at slaughtering families of sand people, maybe his stepson Anakin would have never become Darth Vader.


122 starwars-character-ranking three

83. KARDUE’SAI’MALLOC (EP. IV)
Though events of galactic importance took place in the Mos Eisley cantina that day, Kardue didn’t notice because he was just there for the music.


123 starwars-character-ranking three

81-82. DICE IBEGON AND LAK SIVRAK (EP. IV)
In the Expanded Universe, these two scary aliens had sex with each other. Like, I’m not making a joke right now. That was an Officially Sanctioned Star Wars Story.


124 starwars-character-ranking three

80. OOLA THE DANCER (EP. VI)
Jabba shoved her into the Rancor pit where she got eaten and it was really actually sad :(


125 starwars-character-ranking three

79. HUMAN WAITRESS (EP. II)
This single mom with two kids doesn’t have time for no games or wars or stars. Obi-Wan didn’t do her any favors by taking up a whole booth and only ordering juice, jeez.


126 starwars-character-ranking three

77-78. THE GUYS HANGING OUT IN THE DEATH STAR LASER TUBE (EP. IV)
I like to think those two didn’t really know what that shaft was actually for and were very surprised when this happened.


127 starwars-character-ranking three

72-76. THE MODAL NODES (EP. IV)
This five-member band of bith bros is responsible (in-universe) for the iconic song that plays when Luke and Obi-Wan enter the Mos Eisley cantina. The genre of music they play is called “jizz,” which makes them automatically the best movie band ever.


128 starwars-character-ranking three

70-71. MAX REBO AND DROOPY MCCOOL (EP. VI)
These musical artists never changed themselves with the times and you gotta respect that. Also, Droopy McCool. All-Name Team right there.


129 starwars-character-ranking three

69. MUSTACHE REBEL (EP. V)
This guy can turn any battle into a party, even in the frigid wastes of Hoth.


130 starwars-character-ranking three

68. CAPTAIN NEEDA (EP. V)
Deserves props for taking one for the team even though it’s not really his fault none of his gunners or fighter pilots were worth a damn.


131 starwars-character-ranking three

67. RANCOR TRAINER (EP. VI)
Gotta respect a man who will openly cry at the death of a vicious monster.


132 starwars-character-ranking three

66. THE RANCOR (EP. VI)
You know any member of a species named after a negative emotion is going to be cool.


133 starwars-character-ranking three

65. ZEV SENESCA (EP. V)
Not a lot of wide smiles in Star Wars – because of the war thing, probably – so it’s always nice when Zev gets excited about finding Han and Luke in the snow.


134 starwars-character-ranking three

64. THE WAMPA (EP. V)
Pretty gross, and I begrudgingly admit a not-terrible thing added in the special edition (it was in the original version but you never got a clear look at him).


135 starwars-character-ranking three

60-63. FOUR UGNAUGHTS PLAYING KEEPAWAY WITH 3PO’S HEAD (EP. V)
A noble cause, trying to toss 3PO in the furnace before Chewbacca beats them to death.


136 starwars-character-ranking three

59. IG-88 (EP. V)
He’s an assassin droid who works as a bounty hunter. I mean, that’s just good as hell, but not as good as it would be if he moved during his only scene.


137 starwars-character-ranking three

58. ADMIRAL MOTTI (EP. IV)
I like anybody who talks shit to Darth Vader. Motti even survived doing so, which is obviously rare.


138 starwars-character-ranking three

57. THAT OLD GUY SITTING NEXT TO ADMIRAL MOTTI (EP. IV)
Dude doesn’t even flinch, or make a face or anything. It’s beautiful.


139 starwars-character-ranking three

56. GENERAL DODONNA (EP. IV)
Knows how to use a computer, despite being old.


140 starwars-character-ranking three

55. BOBA FETT (EP. IV, V, VI)
He’s OK I guess. Doesn’t really have any characteristics, but we like him because his helmet is novel and he looks good walking around holding a rifle.


141 starwars-character-ranking three

54. CHILD BOBA FETT (EP. II)
Putting him above adult Boba just because he makes facial expressions and thus has more personality. Plus he’s a child who gets excited about blowing people up.


142 starwars-character-ranking three

53. SPACE SLUG (EP. V)
Incredibly charismatic animal that lives in the vacuum of space and eats rocks I guess.


143 starwars-character-ranking three

52. THE ORIGINAL EMPEROR (EP. V)
Before Ian McDiarmid played Palpatine in four movies, this dude was Emperor for a minute in The Empire Strikes Back. But then in 2004 George deleted him for the DVD, and he became a cult hero.


144 starwars-character-ranking three

51. GENERAL MADINE (EP. VI)
This rebel general, whose first name is Crix (!), has facial hair of a color I’ve never even heard of, and so he unsurprisingly stuck in everyone’s mind even though he only has one scene.


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