There are a lot of characters in the six Star Wars movies released prior to The Force Awakens. Like, a lot a lot. And right now I’m going to rank the vast majority of them. It’s not everybody, of course, but at 223 entries, it’s still more thorough than any sane person would dare to attempt, certainly. Here’s part three.
110. BAIL ORGANA (EP. II, III)
Probably should be ranked lower because he never really does anything but he gets a sympathy bump for getting blown up on Alderaan.
109. BREHA ORGANA (EP. III)
She’s only in one shot, but her name being Breha bumps her up above her husband Bail.
108. SALACIOUS B. CRUMB (EP. VI)
This puppet creature has been an awkward delight to young children for three decades running, but he’s kind of a dipshit.
106-107. JABBA’S GOONS WHO RAN AWAY IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT (EP. VI)
Luke Skywalker jumps onto Jabba’s sail barge and waves his lightsaber around and these two toss their weapons and nope the hell out of there.
105. WEIRD HELMET STORMTROOPER (EP. IV)
Most stormtrooper helmets look like the one on the right, with the mouth thing going all the way across the face, but this guy on the left has a short mutant freak mouth thing that always bothered me as a child.
104. RIGHT-HANDED STORMTROOPER WHO HOLDS HIS GUN WEIRD (EP. IV)
Most the stormtroopers in the original trilogy were left-handed. What a freak this guy is! And why is he holding his gun weird?
102-103. THE EMPEROR’S CREEPY FRIENDS (EP. VI)
When the Emperor arrives on the Death Star in Return of the Jedi, he brings these two pale weirdos with him. They just stand there, looking weird.
101. BOSS NASS (EP. I)
Nobody was more fun to screencap than Boss Nass.
100. CAPTAIN TARPALS (EP. I)
Sympathy ranking because Jar Jar somehow got promoted over him despite not being in the military or knowing how to fight or being good at anything.
99. THE IMPERIAL OFFICER LUKE SURRENDERED TO ON ENDOR (EP. VI)
He’s like, “Hey, we caught this rebel and he had whatever this thingie is.” That “thingie” is a lightsaber, you nerd.
98. WUHER THE BARTENDER (EP. IV)
Racist against droids, and serves booze in tupperware.
97. THIS RANDOM JEDI WHO TOTALLY ISN’T A MEMBER OF N*SYNC (EP. II)
LucasFilm has long insisted that the NSync cameos were cut from *Attack of the Clones, but I don’t know, man.
96. ODDBALL (EP. III)
One of the only named clone soldiers in the movies, but he got blown up in space about 45 seconds after being named.
95. THIS EWOK THAT DROPPED A SMALL ROCK ON AN IMPERIAL WALKER (EP. VI)
Look, maybe throwing a single fist-sized stone at a multi-ton AT-ST walker isn’t the most effective tactic, but it’s a good try, good effort.
94. MOFF JERJERROD (EP. VI)
The Emperor’s coming to town, and this is the face of a guy who, being in charge of the construction of the second Death Star, knows his clock is ticking.
93. RIC OLIE (EP. I)
Shocked when he discovers that Anakin, a damn Millennial, is good with computers.
92. DEATH STAR HANGAR BAY OFFICER (EP. IV)
The beloved “TK-421, why aren’t you at your post” guy, right before he gets rocked by Chewbacca.
91. ADMIRAL OZZEL (EP. V)
He’s as clumsy as he is stupid, as Darth Vader says, but his bluster and lack of self-awareness is really fun.
90. THIS GUY WHO WAS BEHIND ADMIRAL OZZEL (EP. V)
You can just feel the panic.
89. NARRATIVE METAPHOR WOMAN (EP. I)
“There’s a storm coming, Ani!” You’re damn right there is. This is a movie franchise that has the word “wars” in the title.
88. CAPTAIN LENNOX (EP. V)
“Good, our first catch of the day,” Lennox utters, right before his star destroyer is nailed by an ion blast from Hoth. They didn’t catch shit.
87. WAITRESS DROID (EP. II)
This employee at Dex’s Diner calls people “hun” and loves to look straight into the camera.
86. DEXTER JETTSTER (EP. II)
A lot of fans really hate Dexter, but he’s one of the few weird aliens in the franchise to have facial hair. Look at that mustache.
85. WES JANSON (EP. V)
For a guy who’s fighting in a star war, “Wes Janson” is probably the least interesting name you could have.
84. CLIEGG LARS (EP. II)
If Cliegg was better at slaughtering families of sand people, maybe his stepson Anakin would have never become Darth Vader.
83. KARDUE’SAI’MALLOC (EP. IV)
Though events of galactic importance took place in the Mos Eisley cantina that day, Kardue didn’t notice because he was just there for the music.
81-82. DICE IBEGON AND LAK SIVRAK (EP. IV)
In the Expanded Universe, these two scary aliens had sex with each other. Like, I’m not making a joke right now. That was an Officially Sanctioned Star Wars Story.
80. OOLA THE DANCER (EP. VI)
Jabba shoved her into the Rancor pit where she got eaten and it was really actually sad :(
79. HUMAN WAITRESS (EP. II)
This single mom with two kids doesn’t have time for no games or wars or stars. Obi-Wan didn’t do her any favors by taking up a whole booth and only ordering juice, jeez.
77-78. THE GUYS HANGING OUT IN THE DEATH STAR LASER TUBE (EP. IV)
I like to think those two didn’t really know what that shaft was actually for and were very surprised when this happened.
72-76. THE MODAL NODES (EP. IV)
This five-member band of bith bros is responsible (in-universe) for the iconic song that plays when Luke and Obi-Wan enter the Mos Eisley cantina. The genre of music they play is called “jizz,” which makes them automatically the best movie band ever.
70-71. MAX REBO AND DROOPY MCCOOL (EP. VI)
These musical artists never changed themselves with the times and you gotta respect that. Also, Droopy McCool. All-Name Team right there.
69. MUSTACHE REBEL (EP. V)
This guy can turn any battle into a party, even in the frigid wastes of Hoth.
68. CAPTAIN NEEDA (EP. V)
Deserves props for taking one for the team even though it’s not really his fault none of his gunners or fighter pilots were worth a damn.
67. RANCOR TRAINER (EP. VI)
Gotta respect a man who will openly cry at the death of a vicious monster.
66. THE RANCOR (EP. VI)
You know any member of a species named after a negative emotion is going to be cool.
65. ZEV SENESCA (EP. V)
Not a lot of wide smiles in Star Wars – because of the war thing, probably – so it’s always nice when Zev gets excited about finding Han and Luke in the snow.
64. THE WAMPA (EP. V)
Pretty gross, and I begrudgingly admit a not-terrible thing added in the special edition (it was in the original version but you never got a clear look at him).
60-63. FOUR UGNAUGHTS PLAYING KEEPAWAY WITH 3PO’S HEAD (EP. V)
A noble cause, trying to toss 3PO in the furnace before Chewbacca beats them to death.
59. IG-88 (EP. V)
He’s an assassin droid who works as a bounty hunter. I mean, that’s just good as hell, but not as good as it would be if he moved during his only scene.
58. ADMIRAL MOTTI (EP. IV)
I like anybody who talks shit to Darth Vader. Motti even survived doing so, which is obviously rare.
57. THAT OLD GUY SITTING NEXT TO ADMIRAL MOTTI (EP. IV)
Dude doesn’t even flinch, or make a face or anything. It’s beautiful.
56. GENERAL DODONNA (EP. IV)
Knows how to use a computer, despite being old.
55. BOBA FETT (EP. IV, V, VI)
He’s OK I guess. Doesn’t really have any characteristics, but we like him because his helmet is novel and he looks good walking around holding a rifle.
54. CHILD BOBA FETT (EP. II)
Putting him above adult Boba just because he makes facial expressions and thus has more personality. Plus he’s a child who gets excited about blowing people up.
53. SPACE SLUG (EP. V)
Incredibly charismatic animal that lives in the vacuum of space and eats rocks I guess.
52. THE ORIGINAL EMPEROR (EP. V)
Before Ian McDiarmid played Palpatine in four movies, this dude was Emperor for a minute in The Empire Strikes Back. But then in 2004 George deleted him for the DVD, and he became a cult hero.
51. GENERAL MADINE (EP. VI)
This rebel general, whose first name is Crix (!), has facial hair of a color I’ve never even heard of, and so he unsurprisingly stuck in everyone’s mind even though he only has one scene.