Someone is listening to your phone calls, and, no, it’s not the NSA.

Well, yeah, probably the NSA, but if evidence uncovered by a man named Les Goldsmith is any indication, they definitely aren’t the only shadowy entity laughing at your sexts and such.

Here’s something you probably don’t know – your phone has a second operating system that, unfortunately, is remarkably easy to compromise. What Les Goldsmith has found all around the country, mostly near military bases, are fake cell phone towers known as “interceptors.” When your phone connects with one of these bogus interceptor towers, your signal drops to that little known 2G band that makes your phone an open storefront of ways to invade your privacy.

So, these things exist, then? Apparently, yes. You’ll note that there’s a map above this story and it’s not there for nothing. Those red dots represent areas where Les Goldsmith and his team of scouts have identified 17 different interceptor towers all around the country. They’re mostly located on or near military bases, often close to densely populated areas of the country.

Sounds like a bunch of conspiracy theory nonsense, yeah? If that was the case, though, where are the people saying this guy is wrong? He did, in fact, draw us a map. We can simply go look at these things for ourselves. So, that they exist is not the mad rambling of a conspiracy theorist, they just do.

Even worse, no one is taking responsibility for them. As mentioned previously, it’s probably not the NSA. They don’t need phony cell towers, they already have your phone.

Given that most are located near military bases, that the government is involved also seems pretty obvious. Exactly which part of the government are we talking about, though? How many different teams of spies do they need listening in on our shit? You already have one that can listen to everything, why build 17 more that can only listen to bullshit we talk about in cars?

Given their proximity to military bases, it’s certainly possible (although don’t ask us for the logistics) that a foreign government could be putting these things in place. That would certainly be a bold move.

People are tossing around a lot of different theories as to how these things are showing up out of nowhere, but there’s one fairly obvious possibility that hasn’t really been touched on yet.

What if Les Goldsmith is the one building them?

Hear us out! Les only comes to you with this news because he’s also selling the only phone in the world that’s capable of detecting this kind of malfeasance. If he developed the technology that beats these things, he would have had to test the technology on this same kind of interceptor tower. How did he do that without owning one?

If he did own one, did he maybe own more? Maybe, like, 15 more?

Here’s the thing, an actual cell phone tower only costs about $150,000 to build. We don’t build them so we can’t say for sure, but let’s say an interceptor tower costs the same. To put up 17 at that price would run you just over $2.5 million. That’s a lot of money, but stupid people have invested a lot more in way stupider schemes in the past.

So far, no one is taking credit, so we can’t really be sure, but don’t be shocked if at some point in the future we learn every single one of those towers actually belong to Les Goldsmith.

At this point, it’s as logical as any other explanation we’ve heard so far.