Love, as they say, is strange—but rarely stranger than the grand romance portrayed in the new trailer for Fifty Shades Darker. America, brace yourself for the big-screen version of the middle chapter from the book series that introduced BDSM to the Breadbasket.

Mixing soap-operatic melodrama—"I’m not very good at this,“ says Jamie Dornan’s Christian Grey, trying to rekindle his relationship with Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson)—with Sliver-worthy naughtiness (watch as Steele takes her panties off in a restaurant!), the trailer won’t persuade anyone unimpressed by 2015’s Fifty Shades of Grey, but it’s likely to thrill its target audience. Especially when Christian’s potential rival, Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson) shows up to sow discord and finally answer the question, "What if Sawyer from Lost and Don Draper had a kid together?”

Fifty Shades Darker premieres Valentine’s Day 2017, ensuring countless awkward date-night conversations over what movie to watch that night.